


Between cousins

by Chelidona (Hobbity)



Series: Family Affairs [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Body Image, Chubby Kíli, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, I don't know if I should be sorry for that, Insecure Kili, Jealousy, Kíli and Fíli are cousins, M/M, Minor fatphobic character, Tense Fíli, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, not kinky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-04-10 09:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4385807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobbity/pseuds/Chelidona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kíli is overjoyed when his gorgeous cousin from New Zealand comes to live in Ireland with him. He's only had a crush on Fíli since he was six. Unfortunately, Kíli has gained weight in recent years and feels that somebody as brilliant as Fíli can't possibly be interested in him. He could be proven wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Ireland

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I watched a play (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead) and somehow the actor of Rosencrantz reminded me of a chubby Kíli. So thus this fanfiction was born even though it has nothing at all to do with that play.
> 
> This starts in 2014, so marriage is not yet legal.

Killian Prince was an unusually cheerful man. His sheer enthusiasm for life had won him many friends and even after he had an accident that put an end to his Gaelic football career, he never lost his bubbly personality. 

He lost, however, his capability to do quite as much sports as he used to do. Exercising at the gym was still possible once he healed, but tearing every ligament in one knee and breaking the ankle on the other leg meant that his beloved football and hurling, as well as his long runs and bicycle tours were over. He still ate as if he was that active though and slowly but surely gained a bit of weight.

Only Tauriel, his ex-girlfriend, knew how self-conscious his flab made him. He had always been very attractive. His handsome face, his thick dark hair, his broad hard body and his bubbly and enthusiastic demeanour had drawn men and women to him. He had taken that for granted.

Now, he felt, he was just that much less desirable. His body had softened everywhere; his chin, always his weak spot, was even less defined, the muscles of his arms were hidden under a layer of fat even when he flexed, his belly bulged over his trousers and why anyone would call those annoying curves over his hips “love” handles was beyond him. Contrary to the loss of his career as an athlete and his hobbies, the shape of his body didn’t generally bother him that much; he had never been interested in flings anyway and always rebuffed the majority of advances. 

 

At the moment, however, he was extremely bothered by it. He was at Dublin airport and Fíli Durin, his cousin from New Zealand, would arrive shortly. Kíli developed a crush on him the first time they met, when he was 6 and Fíli was 11.

Now he was 28 and Fíli was 33, but his heart was beating furiously as he stood in arrivals, waiting for Fíli to emerge. 

His mother seemed to be completely oblivious to her son’s nervousness. 

“It’s so nice of you to let him stay with you,” she repeated for the umpteenth time. 

“It just seemed to make sense,” he mumbled. 

“Ah, there he is!” 

Dis waved furiously to attract the attention of her slim, blond nephew, turning several heads.

Kíli had all his exuberance from his mother and she was infectious now. He also bounced on his heels and shouted: 

“Fíli! Over here!" 

The blond finally turned and smiled wearily. 

"It's good to ...." he started to say once he made it over, but his polite greeting was cut short when his aunt pulled him closer and gave him a fierce hug. 

Then she took a small step back, but still held on to his shoulders. 

"You look good. How was your flight?" 

"Too long." Fíli smiled again and turned his head to Kíli. "Hi." 

His mother was right. Fíli looked good. More than good, actually. He was compact, like most of their family members, a bit too broad for his height, but lean. His longish hair was tied in a loose ponytail and he had grown a bit of a beard, but not long enough to hide his dimples. They were so much better in person than on a picture. Kíli beamed at him.

"Hi."

Then he bit down a groan. What was he, a teenager? That was the most awkward "hi" anyone could have produced. But Fíli appeared to be too tired to notice. 

"You sure must be ready to drop," Dis said now, too. 

"Kíli doesn't have a car at the moment and I really wanted to be there to greet you when you made it back to your father's country, so I offered to pick you up as well. Of course, you will have to come to dinner tomorrow, Thorin is also looking forward to seeing you again, he couldn't be here, because he couldn’t get off work, even though he’s the boss, what does that tell you? Some kind of meeting …. but we’re all delighted to have you here. Kíli will take your luggage. Are you sure that this is all you brought? I thought you will stay at least two years, but this looks like it's barely enough for two weeks ...." 

As she rambled on, Kíli took the suitcases from Fíli, who tried to resist but was clearly too exhausted to put up much of a fight, especially because he seemed slightly overwhelmed by his aunt's enthusiasm. 

"Mam, let him relax, he had a long flight," Kíli chided her as he turned towards the parking area. 

"Oh dear, I am sorry, I know I talk too much, Thorin tells me all the time." 

"It's fine, really, but I am a bit tired, I was never able to sleep much in a plane." 

"Don't worry, you can lie down as soon as we've made it to Kíli’s flat", Dis assured him. "We bought you a bed and all." 

Fíli already knew that, they had agreed on it before he came, but he smiled anyway.

"That's very kind. Thank you." 

"Not a bother." Kíli grinned broadly. 

He felt giddy like a teenager just because Fíli was finally here. 

They hadn't seen each other in six years (New Zealand was at the other end of the world after all) and he was so happy to see him again. Once instant messaging and then Facebook and so on had come around, they had never lost touch again. 

 

Fíli had come to take a position as a post doc at the department of agriculture at University College Dublin. As Kíli had a spare room, he had offered his cousin to live with him. That was all logical when they had planned it. It saved his cousin the task of flat-hunting from far away. And it helped Kíli with the rent (he had moved into the place with his ex-girlfriend, now it was really too big). 

It just felt a bit awkward now, that Dis was pulling up in front of his block of flats. He took a deep breath. He didn’t have a crush on Fíli anymore, really he didn’t. It was just the excitement of seeing his cousin and that would soon abate. And he always made a fool of himself anyway, it had never stopped him from making friends. 

Dis gave Fíli another hug once they were out of the car, then she kissed her son and announced that she would leave them to it now. 

“We don’t want to overwhelm you on your first evening.” 

Fíli did, indeed, seem overwhelmed. 

 

Kíli carried the suitcases up, even though Fíli protested. He lived on the third floor and they didn’t have a lift, so he really didn’t want his exhausted cousin to have to carry it. Once they inside the flat, he quickly carried them into Fíli’s new room. He waved his hands vaguely. 

“So this is the room. I sent you pictures, right? It’s a bit bare, I just thought you wanted to do your own furniture shopping apart from the bed. Well and this is just an old portable closet my mother found in the attic, so you can use it until you got something better. Em. Bathroom is next door and ….”

He noticed that Fíli was far more interested in the bed than anything else he was babbling about. He had sat down on it as soon as he had entered the room and was now petting the covers. It was kind of cute so Kíli grinned. 

“You look wrecked. Is there anything else you need before I leave you alone?” 

“Ta. I’m great. This is brilliant. I know it’s terribly rude, but as I said, I’m knackered.” 

“I know, man. I’ve been the same when I visited you in New Zealand, remember?” 

“Right.” Fíli smirked again. “Thanks again.” 

“You’re too polite.” Kíli grinned. “I’ll get lost then. I’ll be in the living room for a while if you need anything.” 

His only answer was a pleased groan as Fíli let himself fall backward onto the bed. The sound sparked Kíli’s libido and he got out as fast as he could. All right, so Fíli was still as ridiculously attractive, as he’d always been. But he would hopefully get used to it soon. 

 

When Kíli got up the next morning, he found Fíli already in the kitchen, inspecting his fridge. He was still wearing the clothes from the night before. Kíli was nearly too sleepy still to fully appreciate the sight of Fíli’s shapely bottom sticking out a bit as he bent to look at the bottom shelf of the fridge.

“Morning.” Kíli scratched his stomach absent-mindedly. “Have you been up long?” 

“I’ve been awake for a couple of hours, but I just got up.” 

“Jetlag sucks.” His brain finally caught up with what Fíli was doing. “Are you looking for something?” 

“Um, something to eat actually. I feel a bit peckish.” 

“Ah. I usually just have some cereal or some toast with beans, but I remember that you kind of like healthy food. I just didn’t know what to get, so is some toast ok?” 

“Sure.” Fíli took some milk out of the fridge and inspected its date. It was a reasonable worry in Kíli’s household. 

This one seemed to pass and Fíli poured himself a glass. “I see that your taste for bad food hasn’t changed.”

“It hasn’t, I guess. I try to buy more fruits and veggies and stuff, but they usually just go bad.”

“We need to go shopping later anyway.” 

Fíli looked into the cupboard Kíli had opened to get the bread out. 

“Christ, do you have anything apart from junk food?” 

It was the same discussion they had had in New Zealand when he had come to visit six years ago. Nothing changed apparently. It was just that back then, he ate more crap than now and was still toned. That’s why they had already decided that they would have separate food budgets and cook separately. Kíli just shrugged. 

“It’s not all that bad."

He took out the toast (whole-wheat, thank you very much) and a couple of cans of baked beans.

"There should be some eggs and tomatoes in the fridge, if you want them with your beans." 

He didn’t offer the bacon, he just assumed that it would be too fatty or salty or both. 

They had a small argument over how much butter was needed to fry three eggs, a battle that Fíli won. Kíli put him in charge of frying them. 

 

Later they were actually going to the supermarket. One thing Kíli loved about his flat was how close it was to a large Tesco. Aldi was even closer, but Tesco fruit and vegetables section was bigger, so he decided to take Fíli there first. 

He was quite excited on the way there and couldn’t stop grinning broadly. Fíli laughed at him and asked him why he was so happy to go food shopping. He could hardly tell Fíli that it was because he was going with Fíli. He was so excited to have a flatmate again and it was a bonus that it was his gorgeous cousin. Fíli carried himself with such a self-confidence, it was a sight to drink in even though they were doing something as mundane as shopping for food.

Once inside, they separated to each get their own stuff. Kíli was just contemplating which packs of crisps to get when his cousin caught up with him. He assumed that Fíli wouldn’t be having any. It was not that he ate a lot of them anyway. Just occasionally in front of the telly to soak up the beer in his stomach. He put several packs in his basket, next to some very healthy apples. 

“Nothing wrong with some taytos,” he said defensively when he saw Fíli looking into his basket. 

Fíli held his free hand up. 

“Haven’t said anything.” 

“You were about to, I can tell.” 

That was greeted with soft laughter. “I’m sorry. Are you done?” 

They returned home peacefully, but Kíli could tell that food would remain a contentious topic between them. Also, he might need to invest in a larger fridge or a small fridge for the living room to put his beer in. Fíli bought so much fresh stuff, that there wasn’t as much space for it as he would have liked. 

He looked down at himself and wondered, not for the first time, if he should actually try to lose weight again, even if he had failed miserably the last few times. But then Fíli called him from the living room and he forgot about that. 

 

They had moved dinner with the family to the second night after Fíli arrived, as Kíli decided that Fíli was too tired. Fíli was always so polite and would have gone, but when Kíli asked him if he really wanted to subject himself to his mother's exuberance and Thorin's sternness while he was still very jetlagged, especially considering he would be staying for a while, he had to admit that he would maybe prefer to postpone it. 

Sunday Dinner was more traditional anyway, Kíli ate with his family nearly every Sunday. No one could beat his mother’s roast and she appreciated it if someone came who actually enjoyed it. 

She had started living with her older brother when her husband (the man who fathered Kíli) had left back when Kíli was 2 and while they got on well enough, Thorin considered eating a chore and criticised Dis for spending time in the kitchen rather than praising her really excellent culinary skills. 

 

Thorin opened the door and smiled at his nephews. "Fáilte." 

Kíli groaned. Thorin insisted on using as many Irish words as he could. He was one of those who still hadn't given up the dream that one day the Irish would speak Irish again rather than English.

"Thorin, how’s it going?" He pushed Fíli to the front and his cousin smiled politely. 

"Hello, Thorin, how are you doing?" 

"Fine, now that all my nephews are here." 

Kíli rolled his eyes affectionately. He was never quite sure how serious Thorin meant those comments he delivered in his flattest and sternest voice, but they were his way to express affection.

Thorin ushered them inside. Fíli had obviously expected a smaller gathering, his eyes widened a bit when he was led into the living room. 

Apart from Dis there were Balin and Dwalin (second cousins of Thorin and Dis and, more importantly, Thorin’s best friends), Balin’s wife Moira and Bilbo Baggins, Thorin’s English lawyer. Even Kíli was a bit confused about Bilbo’s presence. 

“Fíli, you met Moira, Balin and Dwalin a few years ago I believe. And this is Bilbo, he’s working for Thorin. We invited him for Sunday dinner, so we just didn’t cancel that,” Dis explained brightly. 

“Pleased to meet you, Fíli.” Bilbo waved in a friendly way. “I really don’t want to intrude, I ….”

“Nonsense,” Thorin injected. “You are ridiculous, Bilbo.” 

“Well, um, I …..”

“It’s really no bother dear,” Dis assured him. “Right, Fíli?” 

“Yes, sure, why should I mind? Nice to meet you Bilbo.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Bilbo still smiled a bit nervously, especially when Thorin put his large hand on his shoulder as if to physically stop him from leaving.

Dwalin then hugged Fíli, much to the smaller man’s shock while Balin just greeted him gently, in that annoying “I know so much more than you do young man” way. His wife was much more conventional than either of the two and just greeted Fíli politely.

Dis herded them into the dining room. Kíli didn’t need any prompting, the smells coming from the kitchen were heavenly and he bounded towards it to help his mother serve the food. 

Fíli, meanwhile, was subjected to a thorough interrogation by Thorin and Balin covering his contract at the University College, his travel arrangements, his contract with Kíli regarding the flat (non-existent as of yet, Kíli hastily put down the dish he was carrying and scrambled back to the kitchen when they brought that up as he entered), his insurances and anything else they thought he might need help with. 

 

When they were back home again, Kíli threw his keys into the bowl by the door and chuckled. 

“Thorin is infatuated with Bilbo, don’t you think?” 

“Infatuated?” 

“Hopelessly besotted. Bilbo’s completely oblivious of course. You really didn’t notice?” 

“You mean … but Bilbo’s a man?” 

“Em, Thorin’s gay, didn’t you know?” He suddenly realised that there was really no reason his cousin from New Zealand should know, it was not as if Thorin had a partner. 

“No, I didn’t.” Fíli had the strangest look on his face. “So all this stuff that you posted on Facebook in support of the referendum, that was because of Thorin?”

“Partly? Are you bothered by it?” 

“No, of course not, I ….” Fíli laughed a little embarrassed. “It’s just that … well, I always thought you’re all so bloody conservative, so ….”

“So?” 

“Well, I hope it's ok for you, given that we live together, but I'm gay actually. I just never thought I should admit it here.” 

“Em, I’m sorry we gave that impression.” Kíli laughed, quite happy to learn that Fíli was into men. “Considering that Thorin’s gay and I’m technically bisexual, we would be fucking hypocrites if we had any issues with it. And you did know that I support marriage equality.” 

” _Technically_ bisexual?”

Kíli blushed, he hadn’t meant to say that, his tongue had just ran off as usual. 

“Em …. I’m attracted to men too, I just never really, well, did it with another bloke. I only ever had girlfriends. But, as you see, you fit right into the family. And seriously, it’s getting better in Ireland. My mother’s actually quite conservative but she’s fine with gay people as long as they’re committed. She’d certainly rather have two men married to each other as neighbours than a single man who has a different woman every weekend. She’s completely okay with Thorin’s sexuality, because he doesn’t bring home random men.” 

“And you reckon he’s into Bilbo, eh?” 

Kíli grinned widely. 

“It’s so bleeding obvious. Whenever Bilbo is speaking, Thorin was just hanging on his lips. And his eyes follow Bilbo’s every movement.” 

“He also insulted Bilbo’s jumper and his country.” 

“It’s his usual way of dealing with Bilbo. When Gandalf introduced Bilbo, Thorin’s comment was, that he looked more like a grocer than a lawyer.” 

“Good to know that our uncle has all the finesse of a five-year old.” 

Kíli threw his head back and laughed loudly.

“There must be a reason why he’s been single ever since I can remember other than the social stigma.” 

“Homosexuality was illegal here until he was nearly 40, wasn’t it?” 

That sobered Kíli’s mood a bit and he grimaced.

“Unfortunately, yeah. But well ….”

It had been the year in which Fíli’s father had been accidentally shot dead when he happened to be walking near some gang members while he was out shopping, so Thorin probably had not been in the mood to celebrate. Of course, Fíli’s thoughts went in the same direction. He bit his lower lip. 

“Did my father know?” 

“I …. I don’t know. Perhaps? I don’t even know when he told my mother. I was only 7 when that happened, remember. I think my mother told me when I was 15 or something.” 

And the context had been embarrassing. He had picked up “gay” as an insult from some mates and his mother had asked him sternly if he really thought so little of his uncle. 

“I was 12 when my father was killed. I didn’t even know I was gay …. I mean, I kind of knew, but you know ….”

“It’s confusing and certainly not the age when you would tell your parents,” Kíli helped him out when he stopped. 

“Exactly. I just wonder sometimes if he would have accepted me. My mother says he would have, of course, but I don’t quite trust her on that.” He unexpectedly kicked at the wall. Kíli jumped a little. “If he knew about Thorin, wouldn’t he have told my mother? And wouldn’t she have told me once I came out and was struggling, to let me know there’s someone else in the family?” 

“Your father lived in New Zealand, maybe Thorin never got round to telling him. You’d really have to ask Thorin.” 

“That idea is scary.” 

Kíli stifled a laugh and dared to put his hand on Fíli’s shoulder. “I can come with you.” 

“Cheers.” He smiled again. “It was a bit exhausting, but I think I am going to like it here better than I expected.” 


	2. Settling in

On day three, Fíli finally began unpacking his bags. As Dis had noticed, he didn’t actually bring much. The few clothes he brought easily fitted in the moth cupboard, but he had to put his books on the floor for the moment. They were mainly scientific literature; he had most of his other stuff digitally. "Makes moving across the world so much easier," he grinned as he proudly showed Kíli his e-reader and the mass of books and articles he had on it. Kíli was duly impressed. 

Apart from that he had a few pictures and DVDs. He had the same picture of Thorin, Frerin and Dis as kids that also hung in the house that Thorin and Dis shared. Little Thorin (11) had slung his arm protectively around Frerin (8) who was leaning his back against Thorin’s side and both had one hand on baby Dis (1) who was sitting in front of them. Thorin looked as serious as he did now, Frerin was grinning madly and Dis looked bewildered. It was actually a very cute picture. 

Kíli looked over his shoulder, as he unpacked it. 

“Do you want to put that in the hallway? I’ve already got some family pictures there.” 

“That’d be great.” Fíli looked up and smiled. “I had it in the hallway in my old flat.” 

“Grand. I’ll get the hammer and some nails then. Any other pictures you’d like to put up?” 

“Nah, I think that’s it for now. Unless you want to put up the All Blacks next to the Irish teams in the living room.” 

“Sure, why not? It’s your place too now, right?” 

Soon, a poster of the All-Blacks team from 2011 dominated one side of the living room, next to a flag of the team. A little Kiwi in an All-Black Jersey was on the mantelpiece - Kíli had insisted once he'd seen it. 

Fíli was a bit embarrassed and explained that it was just a gag gift from his mother, who didn't like sports at all. But Kíli thought it was quite cute and funny, so it should have a place of honour. It was sitting next to a snow globe of Glasgow that Balin had given him once and a dragon figurine Tauriel had given him for one of his birthdays. 

All in all it made Kíli quite giddy because it was proof that his cousin was actually living with him and not just there for a visit. 

 

Kíli showed Fíli around the more interesting parts of Dublin on those days it didn’t rain which was a grand total of 2 days in the week they had before they both went to work again.

On the rainy days, Kíli showed him the offices of Erebor Inc., the inside of the university and took him to the gym. He might not be an athlete anymore, but he still loved to work out. Fíli could be persuaded to join the same gym, which would give him an opportunity to actually do something with his cousin in their free time.

In the evenings they would flop down on the couch and watch whatever sport was on TV that they could agree on. Kíli would have a beer while watching and he always offered one to Fíli, who always declined. 

It was quite domestic and comfortable and Kíli felt as if Fíli had been there for six months rather than six days. Although he could hardly wait until the season started and he could take Fíli to GAA matches. He might be a bit overexcited about that, judging by the way Fíli smirked whenever he brought the subject up, but he didn’t care. He just knew that Fíli was going to love it. 

 

On the Thursday, while it was pouring down with rain, Dis took them to get some more furniture for Fíli. His room currently only boasted the bed and the old portable closet after all. 

However, Fíli clearly hadn’t reckoned with the force that was Dis and Kíli combined. He would have been quite happy to take the first suitable desk and comfortable desk chair but he was forcibly dissuaded and swept into more shops to try out other combinations.

Kíli loved those shopping expeditions It was like hunting (something he had never actually done nor did he intend to do it, but he imagined it was like it, just without the killing). They pushed Fíli into buying a large picture of Auckland taken from a plane which they found in one shop. At that point Fíli seemed ready to go along with anything and would probably have purchased a poster that gave ten reasons why Australia topped New Zealand.

They ended up buying that first desk, but a different chair and they selected a modest cupboard as well as a nightstand and a lamp. They would be delivered on Friday, with Dis insisting that she would pay for that. She ruffled Fíli’s hair, which embarrassed Kíli more than Fíli, and told him that it was his reward for putting up with both her and her son. 

 

When they were done shopping, Dis asked them to come to have dinner with her and Thorin again. This time, it was really just the four of them.

They were home before Thorin, who seemed pleasantly surprised to find his nephews in his kitchen. He harassed them again about writing down all their verbal agreements regarding the flat until Dis served dinner. 

“Does anyone want any afters?” Dis asked brightly, as they had just finished dinner. 

“No, thanks, Mam, but Fíli actually has a question for you, Thorin.” 

Fíli glared at him and Kíli winced a bit but held his gaze. It had been important to Fíli just days ago. Thorin was looking at them curiously. 

Fíli coughed. 

“It’s very personal, so ….”

“Oh don’t worry,” Dis assured him when he broke off. “It can’t be any worse than Kíli or me prying into his personal matters.” 

Thorin grimaced and his nephews both had to laugh a bit. 

“What is it Fíli?” 

“It’s about my father actually.” 

That sobered even Dis up, and Thorin’s face became very sombre. 

“Well and me, and what Kíli told me. It's not that important, just something I wonder about - you know he died when I was only 12, and well, I never told him I’m gay and I just wonder if that would have been a problem for him. My mother says he would have been fine with it, but she would never say anything different and …”

If Dis or Thorin were startled at the admission, they didn’t show it. Thorin’s sigh was long-suffering. 

“And Kíli told you I’m gay and speculated about my potential attachments, as those two gossips always do.” 

He gestured at his sister and nephew who both smiled brightly and not guilty at all. He shook his head fondly, before he returned his attention to his other nephew. 

“You have to know that this was something that never really came up between us, we grew up in a very conservative environment and society. He certainly used many slurs when we were younger, but so did I. And he was only 19 when he ran off to New Zealand with your mother of course. In the 80’s it was much harder to be in regular contact than it is now ….” 

He smiled slightly. “To get to the point, while we never really talked about homosexuality, I did tell him that I’m gay in 1992, when he visited Ireland without you and your mother. He was actually the first one to know. Back then I was just regaining some hope for decriminalisation. In 1988 ….”

“Are you really going to answer the poor boy’s question with the history of gay rights in Ireland?” Dis interrupted him. 

“I was just giving him some context,” Thorin defended himself. 

“To make it shorter than my brother would: 1988 there was a case in the European Court of Human Laws. The court ruled criminalisation was against Human Rights. It took 5 more years of course before the Oireachtas decriminalized it in a bill dealing with sexual offences in 1993.” 

The year Frerin was killed. Nobody pointed that out. Thorin just nodded. 

“So in 1992 I had some hopes already of at least not going to prison if I was caught. And I started to feel that maybe, maybe, I could at least tell those I cared about the real reason why I never married. Frerin and me where actually alone one evening, taking a walk near Erebor, and we talked about politics. I don’t remember precisely how we got onto the subject, but I finally came out to him. He was shocked and just turned to walk back. He didn’t say anything.” 

Fíli’s face began to fall a bit. “So he didn’t accept it, eh?” 

“Not immediately,” Thorin confirmed. “But the next evening he asked me to come for a walk again. I was very anxious and the first thing I did once we were out of the house was to beg him not to tell our parents or anyone else. He promised he wouldn’t and apologized for his reaction the evening before. He said that I was still his older brother and nothing would change between us, that if I was gay it just meant that he had to adjust his ideas about homosexuality but that I would need to give him time. We never talked about it again, but he was true to his words, nothing changed when I called and he called as often as before. So in conclusion, I believe he would have accepted you, Fíli. I believe he would have been a bit uncomfortable at first, but he would have loved you all the same.” 

“Thank you.” Fíli smiled slightly. “That’s more honest than what my mother gave me.” 

“The subject probably never came up between them.”

Dis patted Fíli’s arm. “How was your mother to know? She knew Frerin just as we did, and he was never one who would value a dogma more than those he loved. Frerin likely never told her about Thorin because it still was a secret even from Thorin’s closest friends.” 

Thorin nodded. “I’m glad I got the opportunity to be honest to him before he died.” 

“He only told me a few years later.” Dis ruffled Thorin’s hair affectionately, much to Thorin’s obvious annoyance. 

“And I never told my parents.” Thorin’s word dragged the mood down again. 

“They were from another generation, Thorin,” Dis said gently. “And we had so many other problems at the time.” 

Kíli guessed from that exchange and things his mother had let slip before, that his grandparents’ reaction to the bill in 1993 had not exactly encouraged their son to come out to them. He coughed discreetly. 

“I guess Fíli and me should leave, it’s not getting any earlier.” 

Thorin nodded. “I hope we’ll see yez soon. And Fíli, you don’t need to worry about asking questions.” 

“Thank you.” 

 

“I could murder a pint now,” Kíli announced while they were in the bus home. 

Fíli smirked. 

“I thought it isn’t getting any earlier?” 

“Come on, just a pint in the pub round the corner.” Kíli knew that he was whining, but didn’t care. “You’re denying your Irish blood if you decline, you know.” 

“First of all, that’s prejudice. Secondly, people in New Zealand generally drink just as much beer as you do over here. I just never fancied booze that much.” 

“Come on, Fíli. I don’t mean to get plastered, just sit down and enjoy a drink?” 

“All right then. Only because no-one can resist your cute puppy-eyes, though.” 

Kíli resisted the urge to stick out his tongue at him and got off the bus a stop before their flat. Fíli followed him quietly to the pub and could be persuaded to order a pint. 

Once they had a beer, Kíli looked carefully to Fíli. “I’m sorry I forced you to ask Thorin about your father like that. I shouldn’t have.” 

Fíli stared into his beer as if deciding if he was actually going to drink it. “No, I suppose you shouldn’t have.” 

“Are you angry?” Kíli began to feel a bit small. 

“No.” His cousin looked up and smiled. “I’m not. It’s okay.” 

“Are you okay with Thorin’s answer?” 

“It’s more real than mum’s ‘of course he would have been fine with it, darling,’ so that’s good.” 

“And they all believe he would still have loved you the same.” 

“Yes.” 

Fíli had that wistful smile again, the one that made Kíli really, really want to hug and kiss him. Then Fíli shook himself and patted Kíli’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry about me. I’m good. One more question answered. I miss my father sometimes, but it has been more than 20 years since he died and everyone that I care about and who’s alive is absolutely fine with the way I am.” 

Kíli didn’t dare asking if he’d already made it into that category. Something in his cousin’s eyes told him he had. He just didn’t dare to confess just how okay he was with it.

 

Kíli had to admit it to himself at least. His crush on Fíli just grew the more time they spent in close proximity and he was falling for him very hard. He felt like an awkward child again looking up to his big cousin, who was from the other side of the world and was just overall awesome.

Now he was of course taller and broader than Fíli, but that was just the problem. His cousin valued healthy food so much and was in such good shape, he would certainly be repulsed by the idea of being intimate with Kíli, if that idea ever occurred to him. Back when he was in great shape, he certainly didn’t fancy anyone chubby. 

Actually, he still didn’t fancy chubby people, he just believed that they were his only chance now, should he ever want a relationship again. He should probably stop eating so much. It was just that he didn’t eat that much “junk” food per se. Whatever Fíli might think. He just ate a lot and not enough vegetables. At that point he would usually stop his train of thought. 

 

On his first day back to work, Fíli looked at him in surprise when he came out of the shower and into the kitchen for breakfast. He could understand why. 

If he was left to his own devices, he tended to wear shorts (at home) or jeans and wide T-Shirts to hide his flab. At work, though, Thorin insisted on button-up shirts, preferably white or another inoffensive colour and suit trousers. His shirts were all a bit tight around the middle; he initially bought shirts that were a bit wider but decided that rather than hiding his size, it just gave the impression that he was even bigger than he was. And since then he gained a few extra pounds. 

Now he felt rather self-conscious under Fíli’s assessment. He coughed. 

“Good morning?” 

“Morning.” Fíli turned back to cutting some apples. “That shirt suits you.” 

“Does it?” Kíli poked at his belly and Fíli, who had just turned around again, chuckled. 

“Yeah, you look great. Yellow is a good colour for you.” 

Kíli laughed. “I don’t believe you, but cheers.” 

“You’re welcome.” He turned around again and spread his arms. “It’s my first day at work here. How do I look? Like a serious scientist?” 

“What do they look like?”

Fíli just seemed to be wearing what he always wore. A pair of jeans and a faded blue T-shirt, that just subtly emphasized his slim physique. He shrugged now. 

“Well, for a day in the office something that isn’t dirty and hasn’t got any holes in it, I suppose?” 

“Then you look perfect.” Of course he always looked perfect. 

“Ta. Actually, I might go and visit some fields today, they weren’t very clear. I got my gummies in my backpack.” He grinned at Kíli. “Did I warn you about the dirt that’s involved when you live with somebody who works on fields?” 

They bantered about cleaning duties, before they both headed off to work. 

Kíli felt a bit sad but he knew he should be grateful; he had had one week in close proximity with Fíli and their sort of casual acquaintance had effortlessly evolved into friendship. What more could he possibly want?

His heart kindly told him what else he could and did want and he was so unusually gloomy when he came to his office, that his co-workers were confused. 

 

After work, Kíli met up with his ex-girlfriend-turned-best-friend Tauriel in a coffee shop and told her his woes. Which mainly consisted of Fíli being too fucking sexy for Kíli’s peace of mind, especially when he made stupid comments such as complimenting Kíli’s outfit. 

"How can I be good enough for Fíli like this?" Kíli poked at his belly with a frown. "It wasn't good enough for you, was it?" 

“For the last time Kíli, I did NOT break up with you because you gained weight. Your constant whining about it was part of the reason, though. I will give you an affidavit on that someday.” 

Tauriel appeared to be really exasperated now. Kíli grimaced. He still didn’t believe her. 

“Whatever. Fíli is such a fucking health freak, though. He thinks my eating habits are disgusting, you should have seen his face when he saw the content of my kitchen. I’m sure he finds all this flab disgusting too.” 

“Since I don’t know Fíli, I can’t really tell you. Maybe he does. Or maybe he doesn’t care.” 

“He probably doesn’t see me like that anyway.” 

“He is your first cousin,” she pointed out. “It would not be that surprising if he doesn’t.” 

“You really know how to cheer me up, don’t you?” 

“I’m just honest.” She shook her head smiling. “Come on, Kíli. This mood is unlike you. You were always overconfident and cheerful, that’s what attracted everyone to you apart from your ridiculously good looks.” 

Mature as he was, he stuck his tongue out at her. 

"Anyway, when am I meeting this mysterious cousin of yours?" 

“I don’t know. I could drag him here at some point or you could come and have dinner?” 

“Dinner sound lovely. What do they eat in New Zealand?” 

“If they’re Fíli, lots of veggies and fish.” 

 

When he told Fíli that he had invited his ex-girlfriend for dinner on Saturday, his cousin looked at him oddly. 

“Should I disappear then?” 

“What? Why? She wants to meet you. My ‘mystery cousin’ from the other side of the world. I think she wants to try what kind of food you eat there.” 

“Food?” Fíli laughed. “Seriously, I don’t think we have anything very special, you should remember from when you visited. The Maori have their traditional food, of course, but I wouldn’t know how to prepare it. We eat loads of seafood, most of which you can’t get here, and the rest of our typical food is just unhealthy and quite similar to what they eat here or in the UK. Like mince and cheese pie.” 

“I remember that, it’s delicious. You should make it for us on Saturday.” 

Fíli pulled a face. “It’s sodding disgusting. You shouldn’t eat so much greasy food, you know it’s not good for you.” 

“I work out, you know,” Kíli replied sullenly and poked at the salami pizza he had for dinner. Fíli, of course, had a large salad. 

“I fail to see what that has to do with the crap you shovel into yourself.” 

“I’m healthy. I ate this way when I was a semi-professional athlete. And I was bleeding successful.” 

“If you say so. I won’t make anything like that for your friend, though.” 

“She’s skinny, it won’t harm her to have some good pie for once.” 

"Perhaps, but I just don't want to eat it!" 

"You're really overdoing it with your health food mission. It's just one dinner invitation, we're not all going to have a fucking heart attack if you make something a bit more traditional." 

Fíli huffed in frustration and they looked at each belligerently. What a stupid topic to have their first fight over. Then Fíli sighed. 

“Look, one thing I can make that is typical Kiwi food is Pavlova, you remember that, right?” 

Kíli nodded. He had enjoyed plenty of those meringue cakes in New Zealand. 

“So, how about we just invite your friend for afternoon tea and I make a Pavlova? It's full of sugar, but I like it. We can top it with some nice fruits.” 

It seemed to be a peace offer so Kíli nodded again. 

 

Afternoon tea with Pavlova turned out to be a good idea; when Tauriel came with her new boyfriend, Legolas, they both loved it.

It was the first time Kíli had met Legolas, that he didn’t want to rip that man’s head off, so that was nice too. He was still unbearably arrogant and annoyingly smug, but he was polite to Fíli. And also, Kíli was over Tauriel by now and thus more neutral towards her new boyfriend. 

He sat next to Fíli at the table, joking with him and tried to imagine that this was a couple's afternoon. Plus, the Pavlova was good and he just hoped that Fíli would make it again. Just for Kíli.

 

Kíli took Fíli to a bar to celebrate his first month of working in Ireland. This time they went to one that mainly attracted gay people, although not exclusively. Fíli had been a bit hesitant, but could be persuaded. Although he grumbled about Kíli’s so-called puppy dog eyes again. 

This time Fíli insisted that he would drink something non-alcoholic, so he got an orange juice while Kíli had his usual beer. They stood near the bar and Kíli just enjoyed being among people, and occasionally exchanging a few words with an acquaintance. Watching Fíli holding his drink, the curly blond hair on his forearms just occasionally glowing in the light of the bar was unexpectedly arresting.

When he came back from the toilet, the sight that greeted him made his heart sink. A very hulky man was standing next to Fíli. He was, of course, taller than Fíli (most men were) and his tight shirt hinted at a muscular stomach and his arms were fairly bulging. 

Kíli wondered if he should leave discreetly, but Fíli had already spotted him. He quirked his eyebrows when Kíli didn’t come closer and motioned him over. 

The man he had been talking to looked annoyed and even more so, when Fíli rather unexpectedly closed his hand over Kíli’s arm to drag him closer. 

"Sean, this is Kíli. We're here together." 

Kíli gaped at him mutely, taken aback by the implication. 

“I see.” ‘Sean’ smiled politely and made very brief small talk with Kíli before he went off. 

“Why didn’t you go for it?” Kíli asked, his curiosity piqued. Fíli shrugged. 

“I'm not looking to hook up with someone for the night, I much prefer to spend my time with you. Did you want to come here to find someone to bone?” 

Kíli laughed awkwardly. “Em, no. I never liked casual sex, never picked anyone up in a bar.”

Even back when he was good-looking enough to pick someone up easily. He nearly added that last bit, but could stop himself. 

“That’s good.” Fíli grinned up at him suddenly. “I wasn’t even attracted to him.” 

“Not …. Are you fucking serious?” Kíli looked across the pub to Sean. "He's hot!" 

Of course, he liked the lean figure of Fíli a bit better. But still. Not bad. 

“I don’t like those chiselled blokes.” His cousin sounded morose now. “Too hard. It’d feel like I'm fucking wood, all hard and full of ridges.” 

Kíli sprayed beer all over himself in reaction to that particular comment. Taking a sip during this conversation had been a mistake. He wiped his mouth and laughed. 

“That’s one way of looking at it.” 

Fíli shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. “Well. That’s just how I feel. To each their own, eh?” 

“Indeed.”

Kíli grinned happily. Fíli preferred to spend an evening with him over getting laid. That boded well. Kíli had been serious; he never liked the idea of being intimate with someone he didn't know and he’d never done it, he had always preferred the company of his friends. But he knew many didn't and he sort of dreaded the moment Fíli would bring someone home. 

 

Kíli sulked spectacularly when Fíli told him excitedly that some of his colleagues had invited him for St.Patrick’s day. He had wanted to celebrate with Fíli and take that opportunity to show him off to his friends. But no. Some well-meaning strangers from his department had taken it upon them to introduce the Kiwi to Paddy’s Day. Life just wasn’t fair sometimes. 

Fíli just laughed at his sullen face and asked Kíli if he didn’t think it very nice that his colleagues had invited him. Kíli very grudgingly admitted, that that was the case. Fíli ruffled his hair as if he was a child, but didn't comment on it. 

 

As every year, Kíli took the opportunity to get thoroughly drunk on St. Patrick’s day. This year, the added woe of being deprived of the opportunity to spend Fíli’s first St. Patrick’s day in Ireland with his cousin, just made the prospect more appealing. He was with Tauriel, her new boyfriend Legolas and Elladan and Elrohir, friends of Legolas and Tauriel that had somehow become his friends too. Gímli, one of his oldest friends, also tagged along. 

That turned out to be a bit unfortunate, as Legolas and Gímli almost immediately disliked each other. As Kíli was generally a fair man, he had to admit that the animosity mainly came from Gímli. So he spent much of the evening smoothing over belligerent comments by laughing them away. He messaged Fíli a couple of time and whenever he received an answer, he felt more cheerful immediately. It was official; being hopelessly in love was a family trait he shared with Thorin. 

 

He was not surprised, that Fíli was already home when he came back. Fíli was more reasonable than he was; it was Monday evening, after all, and Thorin would expect him in his office on time. Working for one's uncle really did suck sometimes. When he got up the next morning, Fíli had already put a glass of water and some aspirin on the table, along with a cup of tea. Kíli gave him a half-hug. Living together with someone as considerate as Fíli really was great, even if the attraction was one-sided. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will take a bit more time, I am going on holidays and then I have my thesis to finish! Thank you for reading :)


	3. Springtime

In April, when Fíli had been in Ireland for two months, Thorin decided it was time for him so see Erebor, the foundation of their family’s wealth. After one Sunday dinner during which Thorin continued to go on about the subject, Fíli took a day off work the following Friday. For Kíli Thorin arranged it to be part of his job. He would visit the offices there and see how the new local manager did. The man was in his fifties; it was never one of Kíli’s favourite tasks to check on people much older than he himself. 

They took the train to Cork, the nearest city, and rented a car from there. Their first stop was naturally the offices of Erebor Inc. which were in Dale, the nearest town to the mountain. Fíli went to explore the town on his own and get some supplies for their week-end in the family’s holiday home while Kíli went about his job (Kíli didn’t take any chances and had beer and taytos in his suitcase. He was fine with Fíli’s cooking for a weekend, but he needed something for the evenings). 

The visit in the office was about as pleasant as he had envisioned it. The manager was visibly taken aback by his youth (didn’t the rest of the people there tell him anything? It was hardly his first visit) and kept asking questions that hardly veiled his intent to figure out how much Kíli actually knew. It felt like he was assessing Kíli, not the other way round. Kíli was glad when it was over and he met with Fíli again. 

 

The holiday home was a small house near the mountain. It was not at the site of the old family farm house from back in the day. Thror had torn down the original rather modest home there and had built a manor instead. He had called it Arkenstone (a clumsy combination of Arkadia and “stone” for the mountain) and made it the logo of the company. 

It was only a little detour on the way from Dale to their holiday home, so Kíli decided to show the house to his cousin. He parked the car a few hundred metres from the entrance and they both got out and looked over to the house. 

“So this is what nearly bankrupted the company?” Fíli asked taking in the sight in front of him. Arkenstone was truly impressive; it was built in the style of an 18th century English manor, a square block with columns at the front. Contrary to most English manors, however, it was painted in bright white which seemed to glitter in the sun. 

“This is it. Thror’s downfall. Originally there were stables and other bloody useless buildings next to it, but the Bowmans pulled them down when they got it. The taxes were immense. The company was doing well when Thror built it, but not well enough to sustain the building of this thing, considering that he also bought all the surrounding land as if he was some lord. Not to mention the shady things that he did to acquire it and the way in which he neglected the company in order to plan this.” 

“I believe that. It’s fucking gigantic.” 

“Thorin always dreamt of getting it back,” Kíli confided. “It used to be his obsession. He originally hired Bilbo for that purpose, actually.” 

“And?” 

“Long story.” Kíli walked to the driver’s side again. “And I don’t know all the details. Thorin got it back, temporarily, once the battle with Draco Smaug was won, but Bilbo convinced Thorin somehow to give the mansion to the Bowmans as compensation for the help Girion Bowman had given Thror, which was never officially acknowledged because of some contract issues. Trust me, those who were around for that are still impressed with Bilbo's courage, not everyone would go against Uncle.” 

Fíli nodded, his curiosity obviously piqued. His father had probably told him some vague stories about Erebor and Arkenstone, but Kíli doubted that his uncle would have told his 12year old son much of the details that would probably confuse a child. 

 

The house they drove to now was a little bit closer to Erebor and much more modest than Arkenstone. It had recently been named “Oakenshield” by Thorin. Fíli looked around when he got out and raised his thick, blonde eyebrows. 

“Why the hell did he call this thing Oakenshield? I don’t see any oaks about?” 

“Can’t you guess?” Kíli grinned, as he got their suitcases out of the car. Fíli took his without thinking, as Kíli explained. 

“Bilbo admired the oak trees in a friend’s garden and had one of the acorns from there in his pocket when he was here with Thorin and me on business last year. So of course Thorin encouraged him to plant it in the garden.” 

“And you reckon Bilbo really doesn’t know what’s going on?” Fíli asked amused.

“He was just confused, actually. I suggested, as a joke mind, that we should name the house after that prospective Oak tree. The bit with the shield comes from Bilbo, because he said that Thorin shielded the company and protected it from scandal. So, Oakenshield. We thought we were joking, but Thorin ordered a sign with that name and referred to it as Oakenshield ever since.” 

They looked at each other and both grinned indulgently at their uncle’s love-sick behaviour.

"That would be romantic if it wasn't so pathetic," Fíli remarked.

“Thorin _is_ fucking pathetic when it comes to Bilbo. You should have seen him when Bilbo threatened to quit. He was in rag order.” 

“I believe that. Maybe we should actually help Thorin, eh?” 

“He probably needs it.” Kíli grinned carelessly. “It is just so much fun to watch him dance around Bilbo.” 

”You’re a prick to our uncle sometimes, you know that?”

”I do.” Kíli chuckled. Thorin had raised him. It was only fair that now he got to laugh at him. 

 

Kíli jumped on the bed in the master bedroom. It was odd to be sleeping in this room; normally he would come here with Dis or Thorin or both and one of them would take the master. This time Fíli had insisted that Kíli should take the master bedroom. He stretched out on the huge bed and imagined, for a brief moment, to invite Fíli to share the bed with him. And rolling around in it with him. He stared up at the rough, wooden ceiling and tried to imagine that Fíli was lying right next to him. His reverie was broken when Fíli actually knocked on the door and asked him if he didn’t plan on helping with dinner. He sighed as he stretched one last time, suddenly acutely aware of the large dip he made in the bed. He felt like an gigantic lump of flesh as he got off the bed to join Fíli in the kitchen.

 

On Saturday, they went for a short hike in the hills near Erebor. Kíli grinned as they were on top of the hill, looking over to Erebor. His knees sent him painful reminders why he really shouldn’t be running up any mountains, but he didn’t care right know. The air was fresh, he was full of mud from when he fell down, he was slightly out of breath and he was in the middle of a gorgeous landscape with an equally gorgeous man. Life didn’t get much better than this, he decided, and turned around to Fíli, beaming at his cousin. 

Fíli looked absolutely breath-taking as he came striding up. His thin jumper clung to his skinny frame and the jeans emphasized that while his legs were short, they were also so very strong. When Fíli put his hand on Kíli’s shoulder and smiled brightly, Kíli thought he died. Pathetic much? Maybe he shouldn’t make fun of Thorin’s infatuation with Bilbo. Fíli was just so gorgeous and his dimples were so deep and so close ….

“Kíli?” Fíli’s amused voice cut through his thoughts. 

“You were sort of away with the fairies, as my mother would say.” 

Luckily Fíli seemed to be laughing silently (a skill Kíli had never managed) and he grinned happily.

“Isn’t it absolutely beautiful here?” He pointed to the west. “And see? Those are the Iron Hills, they belong to Dain, he’s the second cousin of your father.” 

”Aye,” Fíli admitted. “Nice to know where all that money comes from.” 

"It's not the only mine we own nowadays, of course. But this is the foundation." 

“I know that part of the story.” Fíli laughed and let himself fall down onto the grass. “It’s really beautiful here. I remember my father had pictures of this area in his office and in the living room, but they didn’t do it justice.” 

“I bet. I love coming out here.” 

Kíli took a bit more care when he sat down and massaged his knee. They sat in companionable silence for some time, before they made their way back down. The steep parts were hard on his already complaining knee and Fíli helped him down. His cousin didn’t make any comment just silently offered his arm. The pain was not too bad, so he could thoroughly enjoy gripping Fíli’s warm hand. 

 

Back in Oakenshield, Fíli cooked a fantastic vegetable soup of which Kíli ate too much. That seemed to please the proud cook. On Sunday they went for brunch to Arkenstone – Bard Bowman had driven past Oakenshield and seen the lights on, so they were discovered and invited. After that Kíli and Bain played some football until the boy got too excited explaining the rules of Gaelic Football to Fíli who obviously didn’t have the heart to tell him that Kíli had already explained them to him. Several times. With just as much childish enthusiasm.

 

All in all, it was a successful weekend. Unfortunately, Kíli had just fallen harder for his cousin. Back in Dublin, he tried to avoid him a little bit, but that didn’t work too well, considering they lived together and had developed a common evening routine. He tried to go to his room in the evening instead of staying in the living room with Fíli, but that only resulted in Fíli knocking on his door and asking him if he was all right. He faked a headache and felt very silly. 

He tried to do more with his friends and that was somewhat successful. He carefully avoided doing anything only with Fíli outside of their flat. He wasn’t sure if Fíli noticed, but assumed he didn’t.

 

In May, however, that changed. Kíli was moderately active in the movement for the “yes” vote for marriage equality. He had been responsible for Thorin’s donations to the campaign – donations that he had had to wheedle out of his uncle. 

After decades of hiding his sexuality Thorin wasn’t comfortable with publicly coming out and had an irrational fear that if a family company like Erebor publicly supported the referendum everybody would make the connection to his sexuality. So Kíli had argued that he had no problems making it known that he was bisexual and he could just say that he supported his nephew if Thorin needed an excuse to do the decent thing. In the end, Erebor Inc. became one of the sponsors of the yes-committee and Kíli helped to set up a few things in Dublin. Nobody ever asked if Erebor Inc. supported the referendum for personal reasons, so Kíli never saw the need to divulge his sexuality, apart from within the groups he was directly involved with.

 

It was possibly inevitable, that he was called one day and asked if he could fill in at a stall, as one of the original people had gone to Longford in a family emergency. He dragged Fíli along to the stall as well.

Fíli’s protests that he was from New Zealand were easily defeated with the argument that he did, in fact, hold both New Zealand citizenship and Irish citizenship. The truth was, of course, that while Kíli was quite extrovert, Fíli preferred to remain on the side and was not the ideal person to engage people. He would have the opportunity to see Kíli shine though. Hopefully. That’s why Kíli had brought him.

 

“Aren’t you Killian Prince?” Kíli smiled brightly at the middle-aged woman who had recognized him from god knows where. Their family was rich and well-known enough to be occasionally in papers or magazines when they had nothing else to fill it up with it. Or maybe she or some family members of her worked for Erebor Inc. He was rarely recognized as a former GAA player, considering his weight gain. 

“I am,” he confirmed. 

“And is that young man your sweetheart?” 

Kíli and Fíli looked at each other and blushed lightly. Kíli then grinned again. 

“Nah, that’s my cousin, Fílibert Durin. He’s from New Zealand but decided to come to the land of his father for a while.” 

Giving away Fíli’s full first name earned him a short glare from his cousin, but then Fíli smiled shyly at the woman. “Pleasure.” 

“My, my, aren’t you a handsome family. I had quite a crush on your uncle when I was younger and he was all over the paper during that awful scandal.” 

Thorin’s nephews laughed. “Thank you ma’am.” Before Kíli could find a way to get the discussion to more political matters, the woman smiled again. 

“And now you are campaigning for the referendum? Is that a personal matter or related to your business?” 

To Kíli’s surprise, Fíli answered before he could. 

“I am not even working for the family, ma’am. Erebor Inc does back the referendum, but we’re here because this is important to us.” 

The woman seemed impressed with his manners, and Kíli grinned as he handed out leaflets to passers-by. 

 

She didn’t remain the only person who thought that Kíli and Fíli were a couple. It was highly embarrassing, at least to Kíli. Fíli just laughed when somebody asked and the sound was utterly beautiful. He really was as pathetic as Thorin. Especially when Fíli winked at one curious person and said, that he would be lucky to get someone like his cousin. He barely recovered quickly enough to give the expected rejoinder, that Fíli was the real catch. 

 

Later that evening, when they were back in the flat, Fíli flopped down on the couch and looked up to Kíli. 

“Do you want to come to our summer barbie?” 

“Come where?” 

“The summer barbeque my department has. It’s next Friday evening, and I thought you might want to tag along.” 

"Are friends and family invited to?" 

Fíli actually blushed and it was so adorable Kíli nearly didn’t hear what he said. "Not precisely, but the rest of them is going to bring their partners, so I thought I might take you." 

"As your cousin or am I going to pretend I'm your boyfriend?" 

"Whichever you like." 

"You wouldn't be embarrassed to say I'm your boyfriend?" 

"Why the hell would I be embarrassed about that? You're funny and gorgeous and clever and have more charm than all my co-workers combined." 

"Gorgeous? Are you fucking kidding me? I was when I was younger, but now ..." He poked at his belly. "I'm just some fat bloke." 

"Oh, for fuck’s sake, do shut up. It's not like you to go fishing for compliments. 

"I don’t," Kíli defended himself. "I just think all that flab makes me unappealing." 

“I like your body,” Fíli admitted. “It’s very attractive.” 

“Attractive?” Kíli was flabbergasted and could just stare at Fíli. The other blushed again. 

“I told you I don’t fancy skinny blokes,” he said defensively. “Your belly is kind of cute and your arse is … well ...” He coughed. “It’s very generous.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Of course I am.” Fíli frowned. “I complimented you from the moment I got here, didn’t I?” 

“I guess?" Kíli laughed, his good mood quickly restored as always. "In this case, I can go as your boyfriend." 

“You might have to kiss me then.” 

"Can't be a big chore." 

He grinned cheekily, while his mind was reeling. Were they flirting? Was there a chance he would *actually* get to kiss Fíli? He stared mesmerized as Fíli smirked and those impossible dimples deepened. 

“Would you like to practice?”

This was most definitively flirting and Kíli felt as if somebody pulled the rug out under him. Fíli was flirting with him.

He needed to pull himself together and do something. He cleared his throat and walked to where Fíli was sitting on the couch. Fíli was still smirking as he watched Kíli approach. 

Kíli bent over Fíli holding onto the couch to stabilize himself as he pressed his lips against Fíli’s. He barely felt how soft Fíli’s lips were, and how firmly they pressed against his, too caught up in the elation of finally, finally kissing Fíli. 

*I am actually kissing him, I am actually kissing him, oh Jaysus, I am kissing him* was constantly playing in his mind. 

He was kissing Fíli, something he had only dreamt about for 22 years. Fílis arm sneaked around his waist and pulled him closer and he nearly lost his balance. But he felt as if he would fly away if Fíli didn’t hold him, so it was good he was anchored. 

Fíli tasted wonderful and the feeling when the bristles of their beards rubbed against each other was heaven (why did he ever kiss girls?). Every good thing had to end sometime, and Kíli very, very reluctantly pulled back. 

As he opened his eyes he found that he stared straight into Fíli’s blue eyes. They looked at him so tenderly, he couldn’t pull back any further. He drew Fíli closer again and heard the other chuckle, before he was gently pressed onto the couch. 

They ended up cuddling on it. Fíli was laying on top of Kíli, his head comfortably snuggled in Kíli’s chest. 

“See,” he kissed Kíli’s chin lightly. “Cuddling with you is actually comfortable.” 

Kíli giggled. “You’re being silly now.” 

"No, I’m not. You're very comfy." He looked back up again. "So, you’ll come to the barbie with me?" 

"Of course." He tightened his arms around Fíli's back. "Can I kiss you some more there?" 

“I’d prefer to do the kissing at home.” Fíli looked up at him, looking very serious suddenly. “I really like you, Kíli.” 

Kíli chuckled. "I had a crush on you since I was 6, you know." 

"Now you're kidding me." 

"I swear. I was so excited to be on the other side of the world anyway but then there was you, so much bigger with your 11 years, and you seemed to know everything and be able to do everything." 

"I was a bit of a show-off." Fíli chuckled and pushed himself up with his hands on Kíli’s chest to look down at him. “I have to confess, I didn’t have a crush on you back then but I thought you a very cute kid.” 

“I was, wasn’t I?” 

“You’re still cute. I most definitively had a crush on you from the moment I arrived here.” 

"I started to feel like Thorin," Kíli confessed. "I was as pathetic about you as he is about Bilbo." 

“I don’t think that’s actually possible. And you’ve never insulted me.” 

“True.” 

“I like that in a man.” 

Kíli laughed. “Maybe that’s the first hint we should give Thorin to help him along.”

 

As they got up, Kíli realised why it wasn’t a very brilliant idea to get together with somebody you lived with. 

“I guess I walk you to your bedroom door?” he joked. 

“I won’t invite you in for coffee though.” 

“That’s fine.” Kíli leant in and kissed his nose. Fíli continued to look serious though. 

“Considering …. everything, I reckon we better take it slow, eh?” 

“Everything?” 

Not that Kíli wasn’t in agreement, but it sounded a bit foreboding. 

“Well, we live together, we’re actually rather closely related, and as far as I know you have no experience with men.” 

Kíli blushed a bit but nodded. 

“I don’t. And if we do this, it really needs to be for the long term, otherwise it’s really awkward.” 

“If?” For the first time Fíli looked a bit insecure and Kíli quickly dragged him into a hug. 

“Didn’t mean it like that. We’re definitely doing this. But slow, as you said.” 

“Great.” Fíli leant up to give him a chaste kiss. “It’s not as if I don’t want to grab your arse and grind up against you right now, so I think I really better get myself ready for bed, before I reconsider the whole ‘slow’ aspect.” 

Kíli laughed, feeling impossibly happy and ruffled Fíli’s impossibly gorgeous hair, before he retired to his own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to the market today and I swear, I saw someone who looked like a chubby version of Aidan Turner - I hope I didn't stare too long.
> 
> And by the way, English is not my native language and I struggle sometimes particularly with making it all sound natural and there are some grammar issues I never seem to be able to get right (part of the reason I write in English is to improve it), so please let me know if you find any mistakes.


	4. Rainbows and discord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the formatting of the previous chapters after I was made aware in the comments that they were hard to read due to the long paragraphs. I have to read a lot on the computer for my job and my studies and I never paused to consider that not everyone is as used to reading dense texts as me on the computer. I am very sorry and hope it is easier to read now.

The next morning, Sunday of course, Kíli heard a soft knock when he was just drifting into consciousness. He mumbled something which he hoped would convey something along the lines of “Come in.” 

The door opened quietly and Fíli looked in.

“Good morning.”

“Hmmm.” 

Too early for speech especially considering that his mouth had become dry when he saw Fíli in his tight pants and the teasingly form fitting white shirt he wore at night.

Fíli chuckled.

“What do you think about innocent Sunday Morning cuddles?”

“They’re grand.”

Kíli shifted a bit to the side and held his blanket up. He realised belatedly that he didn’t even have a shirt on. Before he could pull down the blanket to cover himself again, Fíli had already slipped into bed next to him and kissed him on the nose. All self-consciousness forgotten, Kíli giggled happily and pulled him closer.

“This is such a dream come true.”

”Is it now?”

“You have no idea.”

They fell silent again, Fíli just snuggled more into Kíli, until his head was tucked under his cousin’s chin and his arm slung loosely over Kíli’s waist. 

Both dozed off again just enjoying their closeness. Kíli jolted awake again when he felt Fíli’s hand gently rubbing the side of his belly.

“What ….”

“Sorry, it was just so tempting.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah …. Do you know the Maori word for belly?”

“Why the fuck would I know that? I could give you the Irish.”

“It’s puku.” Fíli grinned and reached up to kiss Kíli’s nose, his hand still on his belly. “I always loved that word, it’s cute.”

“It’s bolg in Irish.”

Fíli wrinkled his nose. “Not cute. It sounds almost sinister.”

“I know. And on that note, let’s fill our bellies, I’m getting hungry.”

 

In the afternoon they went to Thorin and Dis for Sunday dinner. They had agreed that it would be wiser not to let anyone in their family know about the latest development yet. As it turned out, that just made their Sunday more amusing. 

Bilbo was there again and he politely inquired into Fíli’s work. Bilbo might be a lawyer, but gardening was his passion. His grandparents had been farmers and he was genuinely interested in what Fíli was doing. 

Thorin was not so subtly trying to put a stop to their conversation, clearly suspecting that his nephew tried to seduce the love of his uncle’s life. Fíli was 33 and Bilbo 45, so it was perhaps not completely irrational. Thorin himself was 58, so the age difference was about the same. 

Of course his nephews couldn’t resist making his dinner miserable. Fíli was virtually ignoring his uncle’s attempts to enter the conversation and complimented Bilbo on his expertise when it came to plants. The Englishman actually blushed at that. 

It gave Thorin the opportunity, though, to finally cut in and state categorically that Bilbo’s true expertise was negotiations and that Erebor Inc. never had a better lawyer and would never be as successful as it was without him. 

Poor Bilbo choked on the bite he had just taken to hide his embarrassment over Fíli’s compliment. It was up to Fíli to slap his back and pour him another glass of water, as Kíli and Dis had to struggle fiercely to not dissolve into hysteric fits of laughter (which Bilbo would have misinterpreted as them making fun of him) while Thorin was blushing himself and glaring at Fíli for daring to help Bilbo. This was the first time ever that he had complimented Bilbo, as far as anyone was aware. 

 

When Bilbo was gone, the family had some more tea together.

“You really should make a move, Thorin,” Kíli remarked.

Thorin glared at him.

“I told you …”

“Don’t be silly, brother dear. Everyone can see that you are doting on Bilbo, apart from Bilbo himself. You’re making a fool of yourself, Thorin, and it’s really time for that to stop.”

“I don’t even know if he’s gay,” Thorin said sullenly, appearing younger than his two nephews.

“He is,” Kíli said grinning.

“And how would you know?” 

Jealousy was apparent again in Thorin’s voice and his nephews sniggered.

“Small talk, Thorin. You should try it some time. I talked to Bilbo during a coffee break and just steered the conversation towards marriage equality and me handling Erebor’s donations. He told me that he’s gay and would love to be able to marry once he’s found somebody suitable, but I didn’t out you, that’s up to you.”

Thorin stroked his beard nervously. “Even if he’s gay, he won’t be interested in me, I’m sure.”

“Well, complimenting him as you did today is a good step to get him interested,” Dis told him sternly. 

“You could take him to a garden show,” Fíli said then.

“Sorry?”

“You could take him to a garden show, you know, as a date. Bilbo loves gardening. From the 16th to the 22nd of June there is the World Flower Show at the RDS. Ask him if he’d like to go there and maybe you’ll actually get somewhere, eh?”

“Now there’s an idea.” Dis patted him on the shoulder. “Listen to your nephew, Thorin.”

“I’ll see,” was all Thorin grumbled in response.

 

On the Friday of the barbecue it was raining. Typical really. As rain was something one always had to reckon with in Dublin, however, the barbecue was still on. Kíli was ridiculously nervous as he hovered around Fíli in the kitchen. His boyfriend was putting the rice salad he had prepared in a large bowl and then placed it next to the meat in his basket, ignoring Kíli’s nervous attitude. 

Kíli finally remembered to grab the beer they promised to bring and took a deep breath. Everything would be ok. He hoped. It was the first time they went somewhere as a couple. So far, the week had been a bit unreal. Nothing much had changed. 

They slept in separate beds, but whoever got out of bed earlier would slip into the other’s room for a good morning kiss. In the evening they would still watch TV together or watch videos on the internet, but now they cuddled while they did it. And it was so much more pleasant to come home at night and find Fíli there and be able to give him a quick kiss or hug him while he was preparing dinner. True to their agreement, they hadn’t gone any further than that. 

Before they went out of the door, Fíli turned to him.

“Look, they know I’m gay mainly because I know one of the blokes from some conferences we’ve attended together and well …. it came out. But I think it would be better if we don’t touch.”

“Sure. I can also stay home, you know, no bother. It was your idea.”

“I know.” Fíli sighed, then he smirked suddenly. “I actually asked you to figure out if I stand a chance with you.”

“Mission accomplished. So ….”

“So I really want you to come. I already told them that I would bring my boyfriend. I’m sorry.”

Kíli kissed his cheek, feeling happy again. Truthfully, he was nervous too. It was one thing to be bisexual in theory, but it was quite another to go into public with a boyfriend. He only ever had girlfriends and it was usually just assumed he was heterosexual. He had no idea what kind of reactions to expect when Fíli and he went somewhere as a couple.

 

They arrived early. It was only drizzling now and the two organisers had put up two large tent pavilions and one small extra shelter for the grill. Kíli was introduced and immediately went to help getting the fire started. He spent most of the evening chatting with the husband of one of Fíli’s colleagues, while the scientists were wrapped up in discussing their projects and field trials. He loved watching Fíli among his colleagues, the seriousness with which he contributed his ideas but also the way he laughed quietly when someone made a joke that Kíli couldn’t quite understand.

 

When they were back home, Kíli convinced Fíli that they should have some tea before they turned in. Somehow, that ended with Kíli sitting on the couch and Fíli astride his lap. He regretted that they decided to take it slow, as Fíli wound his arms around Kíli’s neck. He tilted his head up and before he could make any move, Fíli’s lips were on his, just as hungry and needy as he felt. All he could do was put his hands on Fíli’s back and moving his lips firmly against his boyfriend’s, relishing the tingling as their skin and stubble rubbed against each other.

Suddenly Fíli scrambled off his lap. “Taking it slow is going to be harder than I thought.”

Kíli grinned as he looked at Fíli’s crotch. Definitely tented. Not that his was any different. 

“I know,” he thus agreed, holding Fíli at his waist to prevent him from moving further away. “You’re just too bloody sexy.”

“I’m what?”

“Too bloody sexy. I should never have invited you to live with me, it was bleeding torture living with you and not being able to touch you. And I still can’t really.”

He was whining now, but how could he care when Fíli just smiled like this, his dimples deepening and his laughter lines crinkling. Fíli bent down to kiss Kíli on the nose. 

“I could say the same,” he said softly, even as he gently disentangled himself.

Kíli didn’t believe him, but it was nice to hear anyway. With a slight pang of regret he let Fíli go, but admitting to himself that kissing and cuddling was quite good even if they didn’t go any further.

 

The rainbows couldn’t stay forever. On Sunday, one week after they got together, Fíli’s phone beeped just after Kíli had flopped down onto the couch next to him. 

Fíli groaned as he looked at his message.

“Are all the bloody Risics coming to this hemisphere?”

“Who are the Risics?”

“Ori Risic is my ex-boyfriend.” Fíli sighed. “And he’s just sent me a message that he’d like to com and visit me with his older brother and if I could call him later.”

“And are you going to call?”

“I guess? It might be nice to see somebody from NZ.”

“Your fucking ex-boyfriend?! You never even told me about him!”

Kíli stomped over to the kitchen to get some biscuits. Yes, he was a stereotypical fattie but he just didn’t care right now. He was upset, he had a right to biscuits. Chocolate covered biscuits even. 

Fíli didn’t follow him which just made his mood worse. He leant morosely against the kitchen counter, opening a package of Chocolate Digestives and contemplated if he should make some tea.

He started to feel very silly. So he shouted back to the living room that he was going to make some tea and Fíli shouted back that he would like some.

 

It was quite ridiculous how domestic this was. Kíli put the pot of tea and a plate of chocolate digestives on the table in the living room and Fíli poured himself a cup with a calm that didn’t sit well with his clenched features.

After they both had drunk half a cup of tea in silence, Fíli finally looked at him.

“I’m not into him anymore. I was the one who split up!”

“And now you want to see him again.”

Kíli stared sullenly in his tea as if it held all the answers.

“You’re best friends with your ex-girlfriend and you go and see her all the bloody time!”

“That’s different!”

“How?”

“Tauriel’s got a new boyfriend, she’s not into me!”

Fíli groaned and put his face in his hands.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“And she’s not suddenly showing up at the other end of the world! We’re both from Dublin!”

“Yes, and I told you I’m not into him anymore. You just bloody told me that she’s not into you.”

It took Kíli a moment to understand the implication. Then he held up his hands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I’m not into her any more, I haven’t thought of anyone but you since you’ve arrived.”

“See? And did I seem overjoyed when I got that message?”

Awkward silence descended, which Kíli attempted to fill by dunking his biscuit into his tea. Then he shook his head mutely.

“All right,” Fíli sighed. “So obviously I never told you about Ori when I was with him, because I didn’t even dare telling you I’m gay, remember?”

“That’s right …” Kíli started to feel a bit sheepish.

“We met a friend’s wedding. Ori’s related to his wife. We were together for 2 years, but never lived together because he never managed to get away from his bloody brother, Dori. He’s living with him. I split up with him one year ago, and I haven’t regretted that. We kept in contact and I’ve seen him a couple of times before I moved to Ireland. Is that enough information for you?”

“I guess. I’m sorry. It just seems a bit weird that he’s coming to see you.”

“They’re probably in the area because Nori, the middle brother, is living in London. I doubt he’d sent the message like that if he intended to fly out just to see me.”

That made sense. He wouldn’t describe London as in the area of Dublin, but if you came all the way from New Zealand, it probably looked that way.

 

Later, after they put the dirty dishes away, they snuggled in the kitchen. Kíli was sitting on the table and Fíli was standing between his legs and leaning against him, his hand lightly resting on Kíli’s chest while Kíli held his hands tightly over Fíli’s lower back. 

“Ori's quite sweet, maybe you like him.” Fíli suddenly said and pulled back a little bit. "Dori is a bit difficult though. He’s much older than Ori. Older than your mother I think.”

“We’ll see.” Kíli chased Fíli’s mouth. “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

He really had no interest in discussing Fíli’s ex-boyfriend any further when Fíli’s mouth was so close and they were in a perfect position to kiss. Fíli’s lips were pliant and soft and right now he was the one kissing them. He didn’t want to stop and he didn’t want any visitors to intrude on their newly-found bliss. But he didn’t want to be selfish and he certainly didn’t want to start a fight with Fíli.

 

As it turned out, when Fíli called, Ori moved to England like his brother Nori. He had just finished his PhD and had found a position at the University of Manchester. Kíli didn’t like that all. Manchester-Dublin, that even allowed affordable day trips. It was practically in the area. Far too close for any ex-boyfriend of Fíli’s. Anyone Fíli had ever been interested in was supposed to be safely in New Zealand where they couldn’t bother anyone (particularly Kíli).

 

They had prepared a guest bed (courtesy of Dis) in their office for Dori, while Ori would sleep in Fíli’s room. The one advantage this visit had was that they would actually share a bed. Originally, Kíli had contemplated putting Ori on the couch, but when Fíli had suggested that he could sleep in Kíli’s bed he had been overjoyed and showered Fíli’s face with kisses until Fíli shoved him off.

Nevertheless that was one good thing that came out of the visit. Kíli even tidied up his room and cleaned more thoroughly than usual just to prepare for the event. Even if he felt very silly while he was doing it.

 

Kíli had gone down with Fíli when their visitors rang to help with the suitcases and was really a bit shocked to see the two men. As Fíli had said, Dori was much older and looked like Ori's father. The man looked older than Thorin. And Ori didn’t look like anyone who could possibly have been allowed to be closely attached to someone as glorious as Fíli.

If Kíli had doubted that Fíli liked chubby men, a look at Ori dispelled those doubts. Ori was overall scrawny, apart from his bulging belly. It looked as if all the mass that should have been distributed over his torso and limbs had just pooled there like a giant life buoy. 

It was also pathetically obvious that he was still into Fíli. His eyes lit up as soon as he saw his ex. Kíli was quite glad they arrived so late that Kíli was already back from work as well. They had taken the ferry from Holyhead, Dori had rented a car in England. Kíli would have thought flying was more convenient but apparently Dori wanted to avoid airplanes after their long flight. 

 

Kíli didn’t like Ori. Normally, he liked virtually anyone, but Ori just rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe it was the way he was moving. It was so awkward it was nearly painful to watch. Or, more likely, the way he followed Fíli around like a little dog. 

Once they had finished dinner on the second evening he held up his plate and asked Fíli what to do with it. What did he think he should do with it? Throw it on the floor? And the way he said it, as if he thought he was not allowed to speak. After Kíli had done everything he could to make him comfortable.

“It’s your face,” Fíli explained later, when they were in bed.

“My face?” Kíli frowned and Fíli laughed.

“Precisely. When you smile, you’re practically radiating joy, but when you concentrate on listening to someone, as you did when Dori rambled on, you pull your brows together and look fierce.”

“So, what you’re saying is, he’s scared of me because of the way I look?”

“Basically, yes.”

“That’s preposterous!” 

Okay, so there had been some people, even friends, who asked him ‘what’s wrong?’ when all he had done was listening to them. And apparently his frown was a bit fierce, like Fíli said. But to be scared of him, that was just silly. He practically walked on eggshells around their guests.

"Give him time, he doesn't warm up easily to other people."

“I can tell.”

“Although I’m impressed. He is not only moving out, he’s moving halfway across the world. That’s quite some step, eh?”

“You did that too.”

“I suppose.” Fíli snuggled closer and appeared to consider the conversation closed. Fine by Kíli.

That was _not_ how he had imagined sharing a bed would go. Being expected to praise Fíli’s bleeding ex-boyfriend. For acting like a grown-up.

 

They had agreed to take it slow, but now that Ori was here, Kíli began to feel a bit inadequate. Not that he could see what the appeal of Ori had been in the first place. Apart from his weird shape, he had a huge nose, a crooked grin and the worst haircut Kíli had ever seen. He hardly ever managed to speak up and let his older brother treat him like a child. And he knitted. He knitted! Seriously, what had Fíli ever seen in him?

But nevertheless, Ori and Fíli had had sex together, something he hadn’t had yet. Was Ori maybe brilliant in bed? Was that why Fíli stuck with him for 2 years?

 

He couldn’t help but bring up the subject again the next night, when he had just wrapped his arms around Fíli from behind, as they settled for the night.

“I just don’t understand – if you were into Ori, how can you be into me? The only thing we have in common is a fat belly. Apart from that you apparently like scrawny men with bad posture.”

“Will you stop it?” Fíli sighed. “For your information, you’re a prick about poor Ori, but I consider you to be much better looking than him. He doesn’t have your beautiful face or an arse to speak of. But even if he was the most handsome bloke in the entire world, I was the one to break up with him and if you remember correctly, I was the one who chased you. Happy now?”

“I’m sorry.” Kíli pulled his boyfriend closer, feeling a bit guilty. Fíli lifted his hand to kiss it lightly.

“Don’t be jealous. Everything is fine. And they’re only here for a fortnight.” 

“I amn’t jealous,” Kíli claimed. It sounded lame even to himself.

 

The question still weighed on his mind the next day though when they went grocery shopping without their guests. He could hardly concentrate on buying his food, the picture of Ori seemed to be on every package.

“And if I lose weight?”

“Eh?” Fíli seemed a bit confused by the sudden question, as they walked home from Tesco’s.

“If I manage to lose weight? Will you split up with me?”

“Where the hell did that come from?”

“I was thinking …. so first you’re with Ori, then with me. Literally the only thing we have in common is that we’re fat. It’s like that’s all you look for.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, some people have a fetish for ….” 

He didn’t get any further than that. Fíli stopped walking abruptly and interrupted him. 

“I do NOT have a fetish,” Fíli hissed, clearly enraged. “What the fuck, Kíli?”

Taken aback by the reaction of his normally so placid and composed boyfriend and cousin, Kíli shrugged helplessly. They started to draw looks from passers-by. Really not the cleverest idea he’s ever had, initiating their second fight ever while in public.

Fíli glared at him, and then started walking towards their flat very, very quickly. Kíli had to practically run to keep up.

 

When they were home, Fíli just dropped his bag in the kitchen and stomped to Kíli’s room without looking at anyone. Ori, who had been reading something on his tablet, looked up in surprise but didn’t say anything. It was Dori who came to Kíli’s rescue. He had been in the kitchen making tea and now took Kíli’s bag from his hands.

“If you want to try to talk to him, I can put the groceries away.”

“Thanks, Dori, but I think I let him calm down a bit first.”

“Right then, I’ll just make some more tea for the both of you.” 

The amount of tea the man drank was astounding, but right now Kíli was grateful for the offer. He put the groceries away, feeling like he was on auto-pilot. Dori’s reaction seemed to indicate that this was normal behaviour for Fíli when he was upset and also that he fought with Ori like this. Not that that made him feel much better.

 

Kíli knocked on the door to his room, feeling a bit silly. He knew Ori’s curious eyes were on him; from his spot in the living room he had a prime view on the hallway. There was no response and he knocked again. 

“Oh, come on in, then,” Fíli finally pulled the door open and stood aside for Kíli to enter. 

Kíli did so a bit hesitantly. He waited for Fíli to close the door again before he turned to him.

“Are you still pissed off?”

“Yes actually.”

Kíli shuffled his feet nervously. Fíli just walked back to his bed and sat down on the middle, resting his back against the headrest. He gave Kíli a reproachful look.

“Why is it okay for you to fancy slim people, but not for me to like a little extra fat?”

“Well, slim is healthier …”

“Oh, stop it.” Fíli looked up at him, glowering. “First of all, not everyone who’s skinny is healthy. And secondly, it’s not like you’re morbidly obese and unable to move around. You got some extra-layers of fat over your muscles, but you’re actually quite fit.”

“I guess.”

“And, I might add, I don’t force you to eat.”

“You try to make me eat more healthy stuff, actually,” Kíli admitted.

“Precisely. I’m not some creep.”

Fíli looped his arms over his legs and rested his chin on his knees, looking a bit forlorn. Kíli still stood next to the door and felt very awkward. He twiddled with his hands.

“I’m sorry I upset you.”

“It just hurts,” Fíli admitted.

“What?”

The look he received told him that his boyfriend thought he was daft.

“First you didn’t believe I could be attracted to your body. Now you accuse me of being only interested in your body. Really. What the fuck?”

“I ….” Kíli cautiously sat down on the edge of the bed, leaving a gap between himself and Fíli. “I am sorry I hurt you?”

“Just why? What have I done wrong to make you think that?”

“Nothing. Just nothing. You’re perfect and I’m gobshite.”

Fíli laughed, quite obviously despite himself. “Stop that.”

But how could he stop it? He knew it was true. The reason he hurt Fíli was because of his own insecurities. He had never been this insecure in his life. He just didn’t know how to admit that. 

That Fíli was everything he ever dreamt of in a partner and that he was so afraid to mess it up that he continued to do exactly that. That he didn’t understand how somebody as handsome, smart and kind as Fíli, who had moved halfway across the world for his career, would go for a fat man, who worked for his uncle.

“I’m sorry,” he just repeated. “I was talking without thinking. You didn’t do anything.” 

He wanted nothing more than to hug Fíli.

“I’m not only interested in your body,” Fíli said sullenly, arms tighter around his legs again. “I’d never be in a relationship just for sex.”

“We don’t even have sex.”

As soon as that was out of his mouth, Kíli winced. That was the wrong thing to say after his boyfriend had said something actually quite sweet. At any other time he would have been very happy to hear Fíli’s feelings, but right now he was strung so high and of course, the wrong thing escaped again. 

“I thought that was a mutual decision. Was I wrong?”

“No. I should just stop talking for today.”

“Perhaps.” Fíli didn’t sound very forgiving and Kíli sunk down a bit more.

“Dori made tea,” he offered. “Do you want some?”

“Yeah, good idea.” 

The mattress dipped as Fíli uncurled himself and got up. Kíli got up too, at a loss of what to do. Fíli just took a deep breath and opened the door. He could hear him greet Ori cheerfully, and that really didn’t improve his mood. At all.

 

Later, in bed, they were not snuggled together as usual. Fíli was laying on his side of the bed and was facing the other way. Kíli felt forlorn as he stared at the dim silhouette of his boyfriend in the dark room.

"Fíli?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ... Can I come closer?"

He didn't get a response at first, then Fíli turned over to face him and opened his arms. Kíli latched on to him immediately, curling himself against the smaller man and tucking his head under Fíli’s chin. Fíli had to chuckle a bit. He patted Kíli’s back. 

“Sleep well, Kíli.”

“I’ll try.” He nearly shot up when he felt a soft kiss on his hair.

“I never thought you’re a creep,” he felt compelled to say softly.

Fíli sighed.

“Thank you? Just … don’t suggest that I am then?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You told me you thought I’m with you because of some fetish. That’s fucking creepy.”

“I guess. I’m really sorry.”

Kíli tried to bury his face in the crook of Fíli’s neck. Fíli kissed the side of his head, just above his ear. 

“To answer your question, I wouldn’t split up with you if you’ve lost weight.”

“Hmmm.” Kíli was feeling very sleepy by now. “Can we just cuddle and sleep now?”

“Sure.”

It never occurred to Kíli that he might tell Fíli that he would stick with him, even if Fíli gained weight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like Ori, please don't kill me. This is strictly Kili's POV and he is jealous.
> 
> Also, once I found out that "belly" is "bolg" in Irish, I just had to incorporate it somewhere.


	5. Still there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff mainly :) And some more of the companions turning up.

Kíli herded them all to his family’s house for Sunday dinner. Dori and Ori were surprised when Fíli asked them to keep the relationship between him and Kíli secret. They had been open about it in front of their visitors from the start. They shared a bed after all. Dori understood immediately that it was awkward because they’re first cousins, while Ori was just a bit confused. 

“So I have to tell them I sleep on the couch?”

Kíli sighed but Fíli just smiled, patient as always. 

“I seriously doubt that our sleeping arrangements will come up in conversation. But just in case they do, yes.”

“But …. Why are you not telling them, I mean, if ….”

Unfortunately, it seemed that Ori took their secrecy to mean that they weren’t quite sure of their feelings. At least that was how Kíli believed the sentence would have ended. Fíli still smiled, damn those dimples, and patted Ori’s back.

“We will, once I’ve been here a bit longer and they’re over the novelty of having me in Ireland, eh?”

Yes, if Fíli put it like that, it did seem lame. Why didn’t they tell their family anyway? 

Kíli really hated how many doubts he had since he got together with Fíli. He knew he was falling harder every day for his cousin, but he also still felt so unsure about everything.

 

When Thorin was informed by Dis that they expected two visitors from New Zealand, he had called for backups, so it was actually quite a large dinner party that assembled. Dwalin and Balin with Moira were there along with Bilbo, of course. But Thorin had also invited Bofur and his cousin Bifur. Bofur was a “good friend” of his mother. Did she seriously think he didn’t know what ‘good friend’ stood for? It was nice to finally meet the mystery man in his mother’s life. 

Even if it was very chaotic as they all stood around in the hallway trying to introduce themselves to each other. Thorin finally commanded them all to come into the living room to have some Whiskey before they started dinner.

 

Kíli followed his mother into the kitchen to help her fetch the appetizers.

“Mam, why did Thorin invite Bofur? I thought he disapproved?”

Dis grinned.

“It turns out that Bofur has moved to Ireland to take care of his cousin, the older man with him. Bifur had a stroke last year. He grew up in the Gaeltacht and now he speaks only Irish. Bofur’s actually bilingual.”

Kíli couldn’t help himself, he had to laugh. It was a tragedy for the family, sure, but it was so like Thorin to forgive Bofur for coming from Northern Ireland and belonging to the working class, just because he had a cousin with whom one had to speak Irish. 

 

Of course that laughter died quickly when Thorin called him over to introduce himself to Bifur as soon as he entered the living room. His own Irish was quite good, thanks to Thorin who insisted on using it at work too (only with Kíli and those who were good at it; he luckily wasn’t fanatic enough to risk the company). 

He managed to introduce himself in Irish but barely understood Bifur’s reply. Not surprisingly, since he had suffered a stroke, Bifur hardly spoke the clear Irish of non-native speakers Kíli was used to but rather mumbled his words. Still, he seemed to be happy that Kíli understood at least some and proceeded to tell him some odd story involving Bofur’s younger brother and a raided pantry. Bofur laughed, and helped Kíli out.

“Bombur loves his food and as a child he didn’t like waiting for an adult to decide when it’s time to eat, he was always foraging. My aunt was pissed to find all the cakes she made for Bifur’s birthday half eaten.”

Bifur cackled at that and made some vague hand movements, which probably indicated that he didn’t mind.

 

When they were having tea after dinner, Fíli leant close to Kíli to whisper into his ear, smirk very audible: “Did you observe Dwalin?”

Kíli looked to his mother’s cousin who was looking at Ori as if struck by thunder. He grinned. 

“He’s so clearly related to Thorin.”

He would never understood the appeal of Ori. Or Bilbo. But at least to two older men they seemed to be perfection rolled up in podgy, shy, awfully dressed little men.

"Talking of whom." Fíli squared his shoulders and walked up to Thorin, who was presently actually next to Bilbo and not Bifur. 

Bilbo was fidgeting a bit, as Thorin was just his usual brooding self. Fíli smiled at Bilbo in a way that always incited Thorin's jealousy.

"So, Bilbo, I hear there’s this flower show starting tomorrow."

"Yes!" Bilbo's face lit up. "It seems to be quite good, actually. I was hoping to go on Saturday and maybe get a few hints for my own garden, I do love to grow flowers, only I've never managed to get them quite as big and healthy as my mother did and ...." 

A small yelp from Thorin interrupted him. Kíli had seen that Fíli had kicked their uncle, and he hurried next to them to stop Thorin from berating Fíli. He smiled at Bilbo too.

"Sounds dead boring to me, Bilbo, but I'm sure you'll love it. Are you planning on going alone?"

Thorin still just glared at both his nephews and Kíli was close to shouting at him. What would they have to do? Hit Thorin over the head with a club and drag him there? 

Bilbo just looked at the three of them in confusion.

"Well, actually, I had hoped that my cousin would be in Ireland then, but she can't come next weekend after all, so I guess ...."

"I can come with you," Thorin blurted out, finally. He looked strained and slightly wild, so it was not actually surprising that Bilbo took a small step back towards the wall behind him.

"Really, I ... I didn't think you're interested in flowers?"

"I ...." 

Another kick, this time from Kíli, stopped Thorin from saying he considered them boring. At least that's what Kíli assumed he was about to say.

"It’s a big event and I’m sure it will be interesting," Thorin amended his sentence. 

Bilbo smiled at him. 

"In this case I’m very happy to have your company."

Really, was Bilbo just cruel, because Thorin's googly eyed reaction to that was very hard to miss.

"Good, I'll organize tickets for the two of you," Kíli decided. 

If Bilbo was to get the idea that this was a date, Thorin needed to pay at least for the tickets and his uncle needed a little help from the family to get that idea.

 

When they left, Kíli whispered into his mother’s ear: 

”I like Bofur. You know, if he ever becomes more than a ‘good friend’, I approve.”

She swatted him, even though she looked quite pleased. “Don’t be bold, young man.”

He gave her a wounded look that said *Who? Me?* and she laughed, giving him a kiss. He went to Bofur next and surprised that man by giving him a hug to say goodbye. 

When they were in the car, which Dori had insisted they use (“I’ve rented it for the month and I certainly won’t use the bus if I don’t have to”), Kíli insisted that he and Fíli would take the backseat. He felt like a teenager, but he really wanted to hold Fíli’s hand. And, childish as it was, mark his territory.

 

It surprised no-one apart from Dori and Ori, when Dwalin came calling Tuesday evening. Considering that he had never, ever dropped in on Kíli unexpectedly, his cheerful “I was in tae area and just wanted to say hi” was rather ridiculous. Kíli refrained from commenting however as he let him into the flat and got some beer from the kitchen. One never had to ask Dwalin if he wanted a beer. 

When he came back in the living room, Dwalin was sitting opposite Ori, who seemed very intimidated by that strange, tattooed man who hassled him with questions about his job in Manchester and what exactly he was doing in his research. Dori answered most of those questions, but Dwalin hardly ever glanced in that direction. Ori, on the other hand, sent beseeching looks to Fíli who was leaning against the wall and watched the tableau with obvious glee.

 

And so it happened, that Dwalin decided to join them on the trip to Newgrange tomb they had planned for the Saturday. Kíli wondered how one asked one’s scariest relative if he was aware that the man he was chasing was a) 20 years younger and b) in love with somebody else. When he shared that worry with Fíli, his boyfriend just laughed and told him not to worry about it, considering both Dwalin and Ori were adults. That was technically true, but both didn’t act much like it. 

Later his mother called to tell him that Bofur, Bifur and her would also come along. Apparently the only people in the family who weren’t going were Thorin, who would go to take Bilbo to see the flower show, and Balin and Moira, who were the only ones with any sense.

 

Things between Fíli and Kíli were still strained. They cuddled a bit at night, but it always felt as if there was some invisible wall between them and Fíli had stopped complimenting Kíli altogether. Kíli escaped Wednesday night to the pub to meet up with Gímli. 

Gímli was vaguely related to him, but more importantly, they had been good friends for a while. Kíli had neglected him since Fíli had moved in, as he’d neglected most of his friends (he had a few angry messages from Tauriel on his phone) apart from that two week period when he tried to escape Fíli’s proximity. 

He pushed his wet hair back as he looked around for his friend; it was pouring down with rain outside. The weather had actually been very nice earlier, when he had been stuck in his office. He spotted Gímli at the bar. He had already downed at least half a pint by the looks of it and waved him over. 

Kíli grinned as he slid on the stool next to him.

“Starting without me is not fair, man.”

Gímli grunted something, then he looked behind Kíli. 

“Talking about fair, you didn’t bring that mysterious cousin slash boyfriend of yours. Every time I see you, you have a new bleeding excuse for him.”

“I didn’t ask him this time. He’d just have dragged that fucking ex of his along.”

Gímli signed for the barkeeper to bring his friend a pint. It was clearly needed.

“You needed a break, mate?”

“Obviously.”

They fell silent as they drank their beer and looked at the telly. It showed some Cricket match, not a sport either of them was very interested in. 

“So, this ex of your cousin, is he really bad?”

“Just fucking pathetic really. Let’s his brother treat him like a child.”

“How much longer are they staying?”

“Dori has to fly back in one week. I hope. Who knows when we are getting rid of Ori?”

“Still into Fíli?”

“Heaps.” He downed the last bit of his pint and called for another. That also signalled the end of that conversation.

 

They ended up getting a kebab once they made it out of the pub and found that the rain had stopped. Both agreed that they would have to do that much more often, the smell was heavenly. They sat down on a slightly damp bench and wolfed their treat down.

“Just tell them to fuck off,” Gímli said unexpectedly.

“Hmmm?” Kíli had his mouth full of good food and his head was fuzzy from the beer, he wasn’t quite ready for whatever conversation Gímli seemed to think he continued.

“Tell them to bugger off.” Gímli emphasised his words with a rude gesture.

“I can’t, can I? They’re Fíli’s guests, not mine.”

Gímli shook his head gruffly. “You live there and they bother you.”

“We’ll see.”

”You’re a wuss sometimes.”

Kíli shrugged. He could hardly tell Gímli that he didn’t want to risk what he had with Fíli over his insecurities. Fíli would see any such request as a sign that Kíli didn’t trust him, he had made that much clear.

 

When Kíli made it back home it was past midnight. Normally he wouldn’t stay out so late on a weeknight, not since he started working in any case. Tonight he had just felt like wallowing in his self-pity and enjoyed his time with Gímli. So much less complicated than the situation at home. 

He crept into the flat as silently as he could, having taken off his shoes before he even opened the door so he wouldn’t disturb anyone. He didn’t hear anything stirring, but the light under his door was still on. He winced. Hopefully Fíli hadn’t waited up for him; being drenched by the rain earlier and the smell of beer and kebab, he was hardly in a state he wanted Fíli to see him in. 

No such luck; as he opened the door Fíli looked up from the bed, e-reader in hand.

“Hi,” he greeted his boyfriend softly.

“Hi.” Kíli felt a bit sheepish and scratched his head. “You shouldn’t have stayed up for me.”

“Didn’t think you’d be this late.” There was no judgement in Fíli’s voice, but Kíli grimaced, as he began to strip. Fíli put his e-reader on the night-stand and just watched.

“Didn’t plan to,” Kíli admitted, finally down to his boxer shorts and too drunk to be embarrassed. He let himself fall onto the bed and practically on top of Fíli. The other chuckled, even though a small “oof” escaped him, when Kíli flopped down. 

“You smell,” he informed him, but wrapped his arms around Kíli’s back all the same.

“Sorry.”

He probably should clean his teeth, but he was just so comfortable now that he really didn’t want to get up again. His head was snuggling into Fíli’s chest, is own chest pressed against Fíli’s flat stomach. Contrary to him, Fíli smelt good and he was warm and comforting. He heard Fíli sigh as he reached over to switch off the bedside lamp.

 

When the alarm went off early the next morning and he slowly woke up, he found that he was still half draped over Fíli. His mouth tasted as if something had died in there and his head hurt.

“You stink.” Fíli turned his face away when Kíli tried to give him a good morning kiss.

“Sorry,” Kíli mumbled, feeling quite hurt.

“Just get up, shower, eat something and clean your teeth so I can kiss you goodbye, ok?”

“Ok!” 

Kíli grinned at the promise of a kiss later and disentangled himself from Fíli and the blanket. A small groan escaped him. Drinking mid-week was really not the best idea, he should have learnt that ages ago. 

A chuckle from the bed told him that Fíli was mocking him for it and he glared back at his boyfriend, but only half-heartedly.

“What?”

“You were wasted last night.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

 

He slunk into the shower, managing to avoid Dori, who by the sounds of it was in the kitchen already, and Ori who was presumably still sleeping. Sweet little Ori who probably never had a night out and thus had never offended Fíli’s sensibilities. The he literally hit himself on the head to stop himself from thinking that way. Fíli had stayed up to wait for him, had been nice when he came home, and promised him a good-bye kiss. And considering the way his mouth tasted, he really must stink, so of course Fíli didn’t want a kiss from him right now.

Even when he came home drunk, smelly and wet, it was him that Fíli held at night, and not Ori. He scrubbed himself with determination, wincing a bit as he accidentally pulled some hair out. 

Once out of the shower he applied himself to thoroughly cleaning his teeth. He could get some breakfast from the coffee shop just around the corner from his office, who needed breakfast at home if they could kiss their boyfriend sooner?

He practically ambushed Fíli once he was out of the shower and kissed him thoroughly. Fíli was confused but seemed quite pleased when Kíli told him he was happy to have someone as great as Fíli, who forgave him for going to bed all smelly. He squeezed Kíli’s shoulders affectionately.

“Don’t make it a habit, eh?”

“I won’t,” Kíli promised. “At least not when I haven’t convinced you to get smelly with me first.”

“Ew. Go to work, you idiot.”

Kíli just grinned happily and left, feeling quite pleased with himself.

 

The Saturday of the trip to the tomb loomed. They went there in two separate cars and because Dwalin could hardly state his true intentions, he was stuck with Dis, Bifur and Bofur. Kíli couldn’t help laughing at that. Because they were so many, they went early in the morning to make sure they would be able to actually get tickets, considering that the only way to visit the actual monuments was by tours and the spaces were limited.

In the end, they got tickets but had to go on two separate tours. They took pity on Dwalin and let him go with Dori and Ori. Or maybe it wasn’t pity on Kíli’s side but rather the desire to separate Ori from Fíli. Their visitors were suitably impressed, once they all convened again to have lunch. Ori seemed to have warmed up a little to Dwalin although he was still visible wary, as was Dori who seemed just as confused as his little brother. 

Dwalin turned out to be a valuable addition anyway, as he recounted the old stories surrounding the tomb with much more skill than Kíli ever could. One could really picture Dwalin as a fierce warrior in the days of yore. Ori soaked it all up. And while Dis and Bofur where busy translating for Bifur, he could discreetly squeeze Fíli’s thigh. Fíli flashed his dimples at him and the trip suddenly seemed worth it. His boyfriend was happy, his mother was happy, what more could he ask for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the story of Bilbo and Thorin at the flower show; I inteded to have them only in the background, but I somehow came to like my version of Thorin.  
> So this is now a series, the "second part" is really just the story of Bilbo and Thorin from this point onwards.


	6. Friction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know how many chapters there are going to be eventually, yay! This time there is another parallel story for Bilbo and Thorin.  
> Also, this contains some smut. I am not very familiar with writing something like this, so be warned.

Kíli sighed a breath of relief when he waved Dori and Ori goodbye. They finally drove back to London. He didn’t know Nori, the middle brother, but he was inclined to thank him on his knees. Dori and Ori had contemplated staying a few more days, but Nori had called them on Saturday, while they were still on the road back to Dublin. Nori had been rather disgruntled, and asked them if they planned to spend any time with him at all before his baby brother disappeared to Manchester and Dori, nuisance that he was, buggered off to New Zealand. 

Ori had immediately felt guilty and insisted that they left with the first ferry in the morning. That would make sure they’d actually arrive in London sometime in the evening.

Kíli would be happy to have seen the last of Ori, but he suspected that he hadn’t. At least for the moment, however, Fíli was entirely his again.

 

When they were back in the flat, Fíli turned and gave him a hug, squishing himself tightly against Kíli’s bulging belly and buried his head in Kíli’s shoulder. 

“This is too early to get up on a Sunday,” he complained.

“Let’s get back to bed then,” Kíli suggested and pulled him towards his bedroom to have a good laydown and cuddle. As soon as they were on the bed, he enfolded Fíli in his arms

“I do like to have you for myself a bit.”

“Whatever for?”

Kíli couldn’t concentrate on the teasing question. Fíli was smiling and his dimples were so deep and so inviting and utterly distracting. 

He nuzzled his mouth against the left one, and slowly teased it with his tongue, so gently that the scraping of Fíli’s stubble was actually pleasurable. He sighed happily against Fíli’s skin.

“Your dimples are going to kill me one day.”

Fíli chuckled. 

“You’re so silly sometimes.”

“So?”

“It’s adorable.”

Fíli turned his face, so the dimples were out of Kíli’s reach, but he could kiss Kíli’s cheek.

 

Once they had made it out of bed again, Kíli went to Fíli’s room to take the bedsheets Ori had used, collected Dori’s from the office and threw them in the washing machine. He felt thoroughly domestic. And slightly silly, because part of his motivation to be so efficient about this was to get rid of the Risics’ smell.

Fíli came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Kíli’s chest.

“Should I put new sheets on my bed or should I pretend I’m too lazy so that I have to keep sleeping in yours?”

Kíli chuckled and reached back to hold Fíli’s thighs. “You’re always welcome in my bed. But my mother would tell you that you should put sheets on yours anyway to protect it.”

“From what? The scary world outside?”

“From dust and climate and everything, you idiot.”

 

They had agreed to take it slow, but Kíli was really growing impatient. That afternoon, when they cuddled in front of the TV, he pulled Fíli a little closer and let his hand slip under Fíli’s t-shirt. Fíli yelped in surprise as Kíli rubbed over his flat belly. 

“Let me feel you,” Kíli whispered. The little shudder that went through Fíli made him grin and he experimentally blew softly on his boyfriend’s ear. Fíli’s muscles fluttered under Kíli’s hand and he hummed in pleasure. Taking that as encouragement, Kíli bent down to nibble at Fíli’s ear.

Fíli turned his head so he captured Kíli’s lips, losing no time to prod them open with his tongue. Kíli opened his mouth, eagerly pushing his tongue against Fíli’s. Hot and wet and wonderful and as intoxicating as always. He would never get enough of Fíli. Just as he was getting used to the sensation, he felt Fíli’s hand trailing down his side and gently gliding to his lap. A small moan escaped him, he could feel it vibrating in Fíli’s mouth.

That seemed all the encouragement Fíli needed and he swung his leg over Kíli and let himself fall into Kíli’s lap. They both moaned as their clothed erections rubbed against each other. A moment later, Fíli’s hot mouth was upon Kíli’s again, and the elder’s hips rocked hard against Kíli’s erection. His hips jerked upwards in response almost involuntarily. His hands fumbled for purchase on Fíli’s back, letting them glide down until he grabbed Fíli’s firm bottom. Their movements were frantic and uncoordinated and it wasn’t much friction, but it felt like heaven as Fíli ground down hard against Kíli’s lap. Kíli barely registered the obscene moans as his own, he was focused on the beautiful sounds of Fíli’s panting. 

His orgasm came too early but was as unstoppable as an enormous tidal wave, drowning him in pleasure.

He barely heard Fíli’s low groans as he thrust himself up against Kíli’s soft underbelly. The muted gasp when his boyfriend came registered though, and he drew him closer even as he reclined back against the cushions, and Fíli just let himself flop over him. 

Kíli’s post-orgasmic haze was broken when he felt slow, soft kisses on his neck. He hummed as lazy pleasure coursed through him. His own hands moved against Fíli’s back again, but slowly this time. He sighed.

“We just came in our pants.”

Fíli chuckled, sending vibrations through Kíli’s neck. “We did.”

 

Despite the amazing feeling when they brought each other off, it still didn’t feel like everything was right between them. Kíli wasn’t sure what it was. He still felt as if he had to walk around on eggshells, even though Ori wasn’t there anymore. Fíli seemed more irritable than usual. He knew it was irrational, but a little voice at the back of his head told him that maybe he compared unfavourable to Ori. He didn’t try to seduce Fíli again and felt silly for it. 

 

As they cuddled on the next Sunday, it was Fíli who let his hands slip into Kíli’s pants as he was pressed against Kíli’s back. Kíli automatically pulled his belly in and had to force himself to relax. Even though he noticed the pleased sound Fíli made in his throat when he rubbed along the curve of Kíli’s belly, as he leisurely stroked Kíli’s erection, he felt self-conscious. Fíli’s own hard length pressed against Kíli’s behind. To distract himself from the touches to his most hated body-part, Kíli pushed back against it and was rewarded by a low groan. Fíli rocked his hips against Kíli, increasing the pace of his hand. His hot breath ghosted against Kíli’s shoulders as he panted heavily. The sensation seemed to travel down Kíli’s spine and right into his cock, and the way Fíli’s clothed erection rubbed against his behind made him moan helplessly. Part of his mind was still bothered by the way Fíli could so clearly feel all the fat on his belly and his arse, but most of his consciousness was taken over by the wonderful new sensations Fíli gave him. 

It took an agonisingly long time until he spilled into Fíli’s expert hand with a low moan. He felt Fíli putting his other hand in his own pants and a moment later a small gasp told him that Fíli had come too. Fíli’s silence when he came was a stark contrast to Kíli’s loud moans.

“We came in our pants again,” Fíli grumbled a moment later, even as he plastered kisses on Kíli’s neck.

“Hmmm?” Kíli was feeling a bit buzzed. He could feel how hard Fíli’s body was compared to his and his orgasm had felt unusually flat. Fíli’s sticky hand rested against his belly, quite naturally after what they had just done but it made him feel uncomfortable. That wasn’t Fíli’s fault. When did he become so damn insecure? Too insecure to actually fully _enjoy_ sexual activities?

Fíli stretched as he rolled away to get up and change his pants.

”Maybe next time we actually get naked, eh?”

”Em … maybe.” Kíli didn’t look at him. Naked? In front of Fíli? That should be normal in a relationship and he knew rationally that Fíli found him attractive. His unconsciousness hadn’t quite grasped that yet and the vision of them naked together killed all sexy thoughts.

 

Kíli could tell that something was up when he came on the Monday. Fíli was already home and sat curled on the couch, looking at his tablet as if it held the answer to some difficult question before he looked up at his boyfriend and smiled tightly. 

Kíli bend to drop a kiss on Fíli’s hair.

“What happened, love?”

“I got an email from Ori.”

“Oh?”

“Nori bailed, he somehow can’t make it on the weekend to help Ori get his furniture.”

“And?” Something in Fíli’s face told him the answer. “He asked you if you could come and help?” 

“Afraid so.”

“Great.” He gave himself a mental kick to be more mature about it. “I could come too, I guess, so it will be finished quicker.”

“And you can make sure that nothing goes on between Ori and me, eh?”

“Don’t be like that,” Kíli complained. “Do you want me to stay home then?”

“It’s fine, I don’t want to start a fight.”

“You just did, though.”

“I don’t see how.”

“You said I only want to go to make sure nothing goes on between Ori and you.”

“Yes, because you don’t trust me.”

“That’s not true.”

“You know it is.” Fíli sighed and picked up his tablet again.

“All right, maybe I’m a tiny bit jealous. But seriously, I met Ori. How much do you think he’s actually going to help?”

“You’re just being unfair now.”

Kíli didn’t think he was, but he decided it was better to just retire to the kitchen and start dinner. He was starving anyway.

 

When Kíli returned home on Tuesday, he found two return tickets for Dublin-Manchester on the fridge. That was Fíli’s way to apologize he hoped. At least, it would prevent another fight about it and he wisely didn’t make any comment when Fíli entered the kitchen a moment later.

Fíli pointed to the tickets. “I’ve been thinking …. Couldn’t we somehow set up Bilbo and Thorin that weekend? Find something your mother has to do and get Bilbo to spend some time with him?”

“Bilbo knows that Thorin has friends, like Dwalin.”

“Dwalin is nice enough, but would you ask him to take care of your stressed uncle? Or would Bilbo believe so?”

“No,” Kíli admitted. “So what do you want me to do? Tell Bilbo that Thorin is too stressed and could he please just kiss him to make it better?”

Fíli laughed. “No, not as blunt as that. But maybe you could suggest that they take a trip to Erebor, spend a weekend in Oakenshield, away from the office?”

“That might work,” Kíli conceded. 

And it did actually work when he went to talk to Bilbo. He had to evoke a picture of a starving Thorin, who forgot to eat, to make Bilbo give in, but the little lawyer promised to go to Oakenshield with Thorin. Kíli hoped that he would get to spend a nice and relaxing weekend with Fíli there at some point. The last one was nice, but they hadn’t been together then.

 

Ori’s flat was completely bare when they arrived on Friday evening. He only had an inflatable mattress on the floor and a small bedside lamp. Luckily, he had also been prompted by Fíli to buy an inflatable guest bed for his visitors, otherwise they would have only had the hard floor. For once, Ori and Kíli banded together and convinced Fíli to order something from a Chinese take away. They endured the small lecture Fíli gave them about all the oil in those typical take-away dishes and how authentic Chinese cuisine was apparently much healthier.

 

Saturday was busy. They got up early to pick up the van Fíli had rented online. The only place that still had one available was a long way from any furniture shops. Once they were inside a shop, it turned out that Ori had given his future furniture no thought at all. So they first went to the little restaurant in there and drew up a list of all the things he would need. Luckily Kíli had been bright enough to measure the rooms while Fíli and Ori had gone to the bakery to get some breakfast. Because Ori had lived with his brother his whole life he was, on the one hand, absolutely unprepared for life, but, on the other hand, he had saved enough money to easily afford furnishing an entire apartment. Once they were done, they had something to eat in the restaurant there and then they drove the first load of furniture back in Ori’s apartment. Fíli and Ori went back to the shop to get a mattress, pots, pans, dishes, cutlery and whatever else a household needed, while Kíli started to put furniture together. By the time the two others reappeared, he had put together the bed, the nightstand and the kitchen table.

 

“I’m sorry, I am so useless.” Ori looked around his apartment.

“You’re not,” Fíli assured him gently. 

“I am though. I have no clue where to put all this stuff, or how to put it together or anything ….”

What Ori needed, in Kíli’s mind, was a kick in his arse, or at least a stern pep talk. Of course, what he got instead was a promise by Fíli to make him some tea so he could relax a little. Grand idea. This would teach Ori how to live on his own.

 

And so it came that Fíli made Ori some tea in the kitchen, while Kíli was sitting on the living room floor, putting Ori’s bookcases together.

Once he was finished with them, he decided that he deserved a break too.

The contract for his mobile phone included roaming in the EU (he had to travel to England and France several times a year for business) so he decided to check his messages. He was still in a WhatsApp group of some of his old teammates, even though he mostly ignored it. When he opened it now, he found a magical message. Shane, who used to be one of his friends, wrote:

*I’m in Manchester, bored. Anyone here and up for a drink?*

He hastily typed. *I am. Where do you want to meet?*

Five minutes later, he had the name of a pub and figured out how to get there.

 

Fíli was less than pleased.

“What do you mean, you go to the pub?”

“That I go to the pub. One of my mates happens to be here on business. I’m going to meet him in town.”

“So when will you be back?”

“I don’t know? I won’t be late, promise, I doubt you two are going to do a lot of productive stuff while I’m away, so we have to be up bleeding early.”

“Don’t be like that.”

Kíli decided not to react to that, he just said good-bye to Ori and let himself out of the apartment. He took the key without asking if it was ok.

 

Shane wasn’t there yet when he arrived, but as they had decided to meet so early, it was still reasonably empty for a Saturday night and he found a spot at the bar. He nursed one pint of craft beer while he waited. Shane was a bit of a beer connoisseur, so he naturally had selected a pub that sold beers from small breweries. The one he had in the moment was a pale ale, which was a bit too dry for his liking but he faked enthusiasm when the eager barkeeper asked him what he thought about it. Shane came in 15 minutes later, pushing through the slowly growing crowd to make it to Kíli who had somehow managed to keep a seat for him.

“Sorry man, my bleeding girlfriend called, you know how it is. I couldn’t just tell her that I’d rather go to the pub.”

“And you wouldn’t.” 

Shane always played tough and was known for his often sexist remarks among his mates. Privately, however, he adored his Máiréad. He laughed now.

“Always so fucking romantic. Are you still with that redhead?”

“Tauriel? No, we broke up ages ago.”

They were interrupted when the barkeeper came to take Shane’s order. That took a while, as they discussed the several beers the pub carried. The barkeeper was obviously quite happy to have a more knowledgeable customer which annoyed some of the other patrons waiting to place their order. Once that was sorted, Shane turned to Kíli again.

“So what brings you to Manchester, man? Business or leisure?”

“Neither. I’m helping a friend of my cousin with his furniture.”

That led to his usual lengthy complaint about Ori. What he never mentioned, however, was that his cousin was actually his boyfriend and Ori his ex. Shane only gathered that Ori was annoying and that Kíli was angry with his cousin. Later, Kíli cursed himself. Was he really such a coward, that he couldn’t bring up his sexuality?

He kept his promise; not only did he hardly drink anything (only two pints), he was also home by half eleven. Shane was working at an event on the Sunday, so he had been very okay with calling it a night. They joked about “not as young as we were.”

 

Ori and Fíli were still up. Ori was knitting something that would probably become a throw while Fíli read to him. It was a bit like a domestic scene from 100 years in the past. Ori looked up at him once he entered and actually greeted him politely. Fíli looked up too, frowned and remarked

“I didn’t expect you this early.”

“Told you I wouldn’t be late.”

“We should turn in now. We do have to get up early tomorrow, eh?”

“Indeed.” Kíli looked around and sighed. 

Ori made a small sound that could be an apology or just embarrassment. This time, Kíli couldn’t blame him, it must be uncomfortable for him to be caught in the very obvious tension between them.

After he came back from the bathroom, he found Fíli alone on their inflatable guest bed, which as they had already found out, was actually surprisingly comfortable. Nevertheless, Fíli was bounced around a bit when Kíli very carefully lowered himself onto it. The giggle that escaped him eased the tension a little bit. Kíli threw his arm around Fíli, that was more comfortable in the small space anyway and Fíli settled against him, without saying anything.

 

For lunch the next day, they decided on Indian take-away. Ori had pots and pans and some supplies now, but they just didn’t have the time to cook. When Kíli made a comment that he probably shouldn’t eat so much of it, as it was so very fatty, Fíli snapped at him that nobody forced him to eat. Even Ori looked unhappy after that comment and pushed his food away.

 

When they were in the hallway hanging up pictures, Ori offered one of the chairs to Kíli to stand upon as he put the nails in. Kíli laughed and shook his head.

“I’m too fat, Ori, that thing would crash under my weight.”

Fíli looked up at him, still holding the large picture of god knew what obscure actor he and Ori had just framed.

“Stop whingeing about your weight,” he demanded. “Either stop eating all the shit you shovel into yourself, start a fucking diet and lose weight or just accept the way your body looks. It’s getting bloody annoying.”

Luckily Kíli’s brain couldn’t decide whether he should burst into tears first or hit Fíli first, so he did neither. He just picked up one the lamps they had bought for Ori’s living room and that was still sitting in the hallway, nearly broke it in his abruptness and then stalked out to actually connect it to the ceiling of the living room. He was quite good with electrical installations.

 

Ori shuffled in a little while later.

“Thank you for doing this, Kíli,” he offered, twiddling with his jumper. “I never ….”

“It’s not a bother, really,” Kíli interrupted him.

“I was just depending on Nori to help me,” Ori went on, clearly not picking up on Kíli’s body language, which indicated that he had no interest in this conversation. He decided to answer anyway.

“Your older brothers help you a lot, don’t they?”

“Yes,” Ori confided. “I actually tried to find a job as a post-doc in a country away from both of them, just to be more independent, you know.”

Kíli bit his lips to stop himself from commenting on what a disaster that would have been.

“Well, Manchester is not that close to London,” he said instead as he strolled to the light switch to check if the lamp worked.

“Yes, and I think Nori is less likely to smother me anyway.”

“Possibly.” Kíli didn’t know much about Nori but nobody could be as smothering as Dori. He still didn’t know why Ori felt it necessary to have this conversation.

“I am here because of Fíli, you know.”

Kíli finally turned to stare at him. What was this, a declaration of war for Fíli’s affection? Ori saw his face and shrunk visibly holding his hands up.

“Not like that. I am sorry, that came out wrong. Um …” he fiddled with his much abused jumper again. “He broke up with me, because I was too dependent on Dori and always relied on others to do stuff for me. Like now.” 

He tried to laugh but it came out wrong.

“That’s why I was motivated enough to move away from Dori. I was so crushed when he left me, but I am really grateful now.”

“I see.” The lamp was working and Kíli walked over to the corner, where a shelf needed to be put on a wall. 

Ori followed him. Somebody needed to tell him that following people around was a tiny bit creepy. Especially when one could do something useful such as actually contributing to the furnishing of one’s own apartment. 

He instructed Ori to hold the spirit level and tell him where he wanted that thing. Truth to be told, Kíli would have managed to get the shelf up quicker without Ori’s “help”.

 

By the time they had to leave for the airport, they were actually done with the apartment. Kíli refused to look at Fíli as they sat in the airport, waiting to board their flight. Fíli soon gave up his attempts to start a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)  
> I hope there weren't much more mistakes than usual - I don't have a beta, and at the moment I am busy with my thesis, my household and other challenges life brings. I rather spend my free time writing than revising my stories ^^


	7. Backward and Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a quick reminder, if you're confused about Fíli's activities during the week: He's a postdoc in agriculture, it is summer and he is working on the field ;)  
> (Well, he DID carry a spade in that first movie)

They still hadn’t spoken a word when Kíli paid the taxi driver while Fíli already waited at the door. They walked up to the apartment in silence. It started to feel nearly silly, but Kíli didn’t know how to break the awkwardness. He was wrecked after all that work over the weekend, his knee was hurting and he was still angry with Fíli.

 

Once they were inside and had kicked their shoes off, Fíli stood a bit awkwardly in the hallway and looked at Kíli like a lost puppy.

“Would you like me to sleep in my own room tonight?” Fíli sounded subdued now. Kíli nearly melted. Only nearly though.

“Please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am.” Kíli growled. Great, that was what he needed. Fíli suggesting he might not know his own mind.

“All right then.” Fíli’s voice was so quiet, Kíli almost didn’t hear it.

He didn’t say anything as Fíli opened the door to his own room and then softly closed it again behind himself.

 

Once he was in his bed, Kíli had to fight very hard to suppress his urge to cry. It wasn’t that he subscribed to the whole “real men don’t cry” nonsense, but Fíli was right next door and he didn’t want Fíli to hear him. A few tears escaped anyway and he buried his face in his pillow.

How did they manage to get to this? Over someone as pathetic as Ori?

He corrected himself, feeling fair-minded for once. Ori was just the catalyst. It wasn’t Ori’s fault that Fíli had hurt him. It was just that Kíli had been annoyed by Fíli’s behaviour and Fíli by Kíli’s. And then Fíli had just snapped at him. And when he remembered that, he had to give up his struggle against his tears. 

That comment had hurt more than it should. Probably because there was so much truth in it. He should either start getting more serious about losing weight or accept that he was fat now. It was hard enough to admit that to himself, but to hear his boyfriend say that with so much anger had been a blow.

 

Unfortunately the next day was a Monday, so there wouldn’t be time for talk in the morning. Fíli didn’t knock on his door to kiss him good-morning and neither did he feel inclined to knock on Fíli’s door. He decided to grab breakfast on the go, and just took a shower, escaping the flat before he could encounter his boyfriend whom he heard putting the kettle on in the kitchen.

The day turned out to be horrible. And it was his own fault. And Fíli’s. It had been their idea to set up Thorin and Bilbo for a weekend. It now turned out that it had worked. Thorin was ridiculously happy and even Bilbo wore a goofy smile whenever Kíli caught a glimpse of him. Which he tried to evade, but of course he got dragged into lunch with the two of them. 

Normally, Thorin did not care for lunch and just ate his sandwich once his secretary informed him that she would take her lunch break and he should eat. But not on the day Kíli just wanted to hide in his office. Of course not. This was the day that Thorin decided to drag them to the restaurant across the street to celebrate. He even contemplated to call Fíli and ask him to come all the way from University College for lunch, but luckily Fíli was on the fields today somewhere outside Dublin. It would have been too much to sit next to Fíli while Thorin and Bilbo were exchanging adoring looks.

 

Kíli was already home when Fíli came in, drenched with rain and trailing mud into the flat. It was obvious that he had made some effort to get rid of the soil caked onto his boots, but hadn’t quite succeeded. He pulled his boots off in the hallway with two loud “plops” and then disappeared in the bathroom muttering something about Irish weather, mud and soil-samples.

Nice as he was, Kíli put the kettle on to offer him some tea. It wasn’t cold outside, but he assumed that Fíli would still appreciate a nice hot tea after he had been soaked by the rain.

Fíli appeared some time later, dressed only in his boxer shorts and a tank-top. Did he plan to win that weird fight they had by distracting Kíli with his sexiness? It was beginning to work, there was something too alluring and almost vulnerable about his short, broad body in his underwear. Kíli handed him a mug of tea.

“Ta.” Fíli took it, smiling quickly and took a sip.

“You’re welcome.” 

Silence descended again. It was broken when Fíli sighed and put the mug down on the counter. He hunched his shoulders, then he asked quietly:

“You’re really pissed off, aren’t you?”

“Hurt more than pissed off,” Kíli admitted.

Fíli looked utterly miserable, as he bit his lip.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I am sorry for having been such a dick.” 

He shuffled his feet which would have been adorable had Kíli not still been upset.

“I wasn’t even whingeing about my weight,” he said sullenly, crossing his arms in front of his body. “I just pointed out that I was too heavy for that chair. It wouldn’t have been able to support my full weight.”

“I know.” Fíli sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

“I try not to complain too much even.”

“I know,” Fíli repeated.

“So why did you say that then?”

“I …..” Fíli raked his hand through his damp hair. “I was so tense already, and it does bother me when you complain about your sodding weight, because ….”

“Because?” Kíli prompted when Fíli stopped.

“Christ. Because I don’t like to see you unhappy. Or insecure.” He idly kicked back against the cupboard behind him. “I noticed that you …. that you were self-conscious when I brought you off last week. That’s why I didn’t try again. But, fucking hell, I want to get it on with my boyfriend! And when we kiss or hug, I always have to make sure not to touch your love-handles or press myself too close to you, because you tense up when you know I can feel your fat. Or just break the hug very quickly.”

Kíli tensed up. He hadn’t noticed he did that when they hugged, but it was true, now that Fíli mentioned it. Fíli smiled wryly.

“See? And, just to prove my point, since we got together, I barely ever caught you bare-chested. Only twice actually. Once right the next morning when you didn’t expect me to come to your room and then again when you were too pissed to care. It’s fucking Victorian. You are only ever going to get naked with me if I switch off the light first, right?”

He seemed to notice that getting angry again wasn’t helpful and stopped. Kíli had shrunk back, looking at the floor. He didn’t know how to respond. He felt he should maybe apologize, but he was also still feeling hurt by Fíli’s anger. Why couldn’t his boyfriend understand that he was insecure? They were silent for a while, then Fíli spoke up again. His voice was gentler and not angry anymore.

“It annoys me because it affects me when you block intimacy. But it also makes me sad for you. I really care for you and I want to see you happy. I screwed up yesterday.”

“’m sorry,” Kíli mumbled.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Fíli huffed. “I know you don’t do it on purpose.”

“Then why did you get so angry?”

“Because I’m frustrated. I can’t say more than that I’m truly sorry. I was wrong.”

They looked at each other. Fíli was biting his lower lip again and Kíli had to swallow a bit. He didn’t know what to say in response. He understood why Fíli was frustrated, but he couldn’t think of what to say to help the situation. He dropped his eyes before the steady, apologetic gaze.

“Dinner?” Kíli suggested weakly. “You must be starving after a day on the field.”

“I am actually.” Fíli deflated. “Today was a rotten day to collect soil samples.”

“I bet.”

It was a bit awkward as Fíli pulled out one of his frozen soups and Kíli made himself a few sandwiches. After the large lunch with Thorin plus the cake his co-worker had brought because it was her birthday, he wasn’t very hungry. He had to laugh again when Fíli burnt himself on his hot soup container and sucked his thumb. Fíli glared at him half-heartedly, but had to grin in response.

 

As they put their dirty dishes in the sink, Fíli turned to Kíli looking uncharacteristically shy.

“Can I sleep in your bed again tonight? I know I’m a fuckwit, but it felt really shitty to sleep alone last night and you in the next room and upset.”

Kíli nodded.

“It’s not like what you said isn’t true,” he mumbled.

“Let’s not talk about that now.” Fíli fiddled with the faucet, even though neither planned to do any washing up. “I’m 33, I should know better than to snap like that.”

“You have high standards.”

“I don’t think so.” He tentatively put his hand on Kíli’s arm. “Is it all right if I go to bed now? I’m shattered.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a sec too.”

There was still much between them that felt like it needed to be addressed. But they were tired and they did have to work the next day. And it did feel good to see Fíli already curled on the bed when he came in. He had changed in the bathroom and noticed suddenly that he had started that habit when Fíli had moved into his bedroom. He actually never changed in front of Fíli and he hadn’t even done that consciously. Fíli was right, the only time he had done that was when he had come home from the pub and was drunk.

He shook himself to come back to the present. They were not going to change everything right now. And they still hadn’t talked about the other stuff, like why Fíli had been so tense in the first place. And Fíli’s understandable frustration with him. Kíli crawled into bed and grabbed Fíli’s hand that rested loosely on Kíli’s side.

 

The next morning he woke up to Fíli plastering small kisses on his face. He was about to complain about being woken up, when his alarm went off and he laughed instead.

“You got perfect timing.”

“I know.” 

Kíli got a firm kiss on the mouth this time and drew Fíli closer almost instinctively.

“I hope I won’t have to endure Thorin and Bilbo behaving like besotted teenagers again today.”

Fíli gaped at him. “You mean the plan actually worked? They’re actually together?”

“Em … yes. Didn’t I tell you?”

“No!” Fíli shook his head. “You could have mentioned it when we had dinner, you know.”

“I’m sorry.” Kíli sighed. “I just forgot.”

“How is that something you can forget?”

“I wanted to forget it, because I was feeling low yesterday and Thorin and Bilbo were just so bleeding happy.”

“Well, I hope you’re feeling a bit better today?” Fíli looked guilty, so Kíli pulled him closer for another quick kiss, before he finally got up. 

“I’m happier today, don’t worry”

 

Of course that didn’t mean the discussion on the topic was closed. In the evening, when they hugged as Fíli came home, dirty but at least not wet, his hands slipped to Kíli’s waist and this time Kíli felt himself flinch involuntarily. He inched away and looked at his feet.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Fíli sighed. “My fault. I know I shouldn’t do that.”

“It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t be so fucking tense” Kíli murmured. “Rationally, I know you don’t care, that you even fancy me. I just have a hard time remembering that when you get close to those parts of me that are so fucking disgusting.” He corrected himself when he saw Fíli’s mouth opening in protest. “The parts that I think are disgusting.”

“So if I gain weight? Will you think that I’m disgusting?”

“I ….” Kíli felt floored. He had never even thought about that. Fíli looked absolutely serious as Kíli just stared him, his mind reeling. Then he shook his head.

“I can’t imagine it considering your habits. But …. You would still be you, with all your cuteness, I assume.”

“By now I am way past being attracted to you just because of your looks. I meant it when I said I would stay with you, even if you lost the weight again, you’d still be impossibly hot.”

Was this really the same man who had made such a mean comment in Manchester just two days before? It seemed unthinkable. He blushed when he noticed how intently Fíli was staring at him. He was at a loss of what to say next.

“I …” he began uncertainly. “I guess I know what you mean.”

He hesitantly reached out to embrace Fíli again, and this time Fíli’s hand moved up to cup his face and tenderly caress his cheeks. Fíli had never been this gentle with him before. Kíli sighed happily and his unquenchable good humour bubbled to the surface again. He felt a big smile tugging at his mouth.

“I’m so happy you came to Ireland.”

“Yea, that was one of my better ideas.” Fili smiled softly.

 

It seemed as if every evening that week brought another serious discussion. Kíli had just relaxed on the couch on Wednesday. Work had been stressful, they were negotiating a deal with a company in France and Kíli had been put in charge of that. He had been home later than usual and just wolfed down the stew that Fíli had cooked for both of them. He felt vaguely guilty for not taking the time to appreciate his boyfriend’s efforts after his own hard day, but he’d just been so hungry. 

As soon as he cuddled up to Fíli, Fíli’s phone beeped. Kíli moved away a bit so Fíli could pull it out of his pocket.

“Ori’s feeling scared.” Fíli frowned as he looked at the message.

Kíli groaned in frustration. “What the hell is wrong now?”

“He’s alone for the first time in his life, I guess that’s scary.”

“Please tell me you are not planning to fly to Manchester on the weekend again.”

“No.” Fíli put the phone on the table and edged closer to Kíli again. “I wouldn’t even have time, we have to go to the field on Saturday, we hope we can start harvesting this week, once it has all dried. The weather reports look ok, but we can’t afford to take the whole weekend off.”

“So not because you’d like to spend time with me?”

“I’d love to spend time with you on the weekend, and I hope we will on Sunday.”

“Good.”

“You’re not still jealous, are you?”

“It’s not precisely jealousy,” Kíli admitted.

“What is it then?”

“Well ….” It was hard to put into words really. “You are always so bleeding considerate when it comes to Ori and his feelings, and so gentle with him. And never with me.”

“I ….” Fíli sighed. “I guess that’s true. It’s just … well, he’s so shy and he has such a hard time with the simplest things …”

“So you coddle him and everybody else has to take a backseat?”

“You’re just so different! You are … well, you're more practical than him, more connected to the real world and you’re just so, I don’t know, blokey?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You're obsessed with sports in general, you love a violent sport like Gaelic football, you like to go out drinking, you use a lot of swearwords, you don’t care much about clothes, you're taking the piss out of your friends all the time, you're overconfident, you're funny ….”

Kíli felt he was really beginning to lose ground here. “And is that a problem? I’ve always been that way.”

“No. No, of course not. That’s part of why I fell for you.”

“I’m not blokey,” Kíli felt moved to say. “I don’t make cheap jokes, I don’t feel the need to be sexist and look down on women to feel like a man.”

“I think we’ve got different definitions,” Fíli soothed him. “I meant it in a good way. As in, you share my interest in sport and I don’t feel the need to protect you. It’s going to be interesting when the All Blacks meet Ireland, though.”

“Thanks?”

They were both silent for a moment, looking at each other tentatively. Then Fíli brushed his hand against Kíli’s.

“Do you remember when you said, you have nothing in common with Ori?”

“I remember. You didn’t react well and it was a stupid thing to say.”

“It’s also quite obviously true although I don’t quite see what I’ve got in common with Tauriel. Anyway …. That was kind of the reason I fell for you. Ori is sweet and nice and clever, but at the end of the day I found out that it really turns me off if I feel so protective of someone all the time and if someone relies on me so much.”

“So I’m sort of a rebound?”

“No! Not at all!” Fíli raked his hands through his hair. “Not at all, really. I fail at bringing my points across with you. What I meant was, that what I learned by being with Ori is that I really want someone like you.”

“Really?” Kíli dared to smile a little. Fíli still looked serious though.

“Of course. You’re practically perfect.”

“Only practically?” Kíli teased, feeling a bit better already.

“Well,” Fíli also dared to smile slightly and stretched his hand out to lightly caress Kíli’s forearm. “If you were perfect, your body would neutralize all the odour of beer, chips and kebab you indulge in so often, but I guess nobody is 100% perfect.”

“I guess not. Am I very smelly sometimes?”

“Nah.” Fíli pulled him slowly closer. “And even when you practically reek of cheap fat, I still want to hug and kiss you.”

“Can we kiss now?”

“That was my plan.” Fíli smirked and tilted his face up. The kiss started out softly, their lips barely touching as they brushed against each other, but Kíli gradually increased the pressure and traced Fíli’s lips with his tongue. Fíli’s hand tightened on Kíli’s shoulders in response. Unfortunately, Fíli pulled away when it got a bit more heated and announced that he was too worn out from all the work on the field to do more. 

 

Originally, they had planned to go to a football match on Saturday. But of course, Fili had to harvest. So Kíli went with some of his friends and treated Fíli to a full recount of the match as they sat on the couch in the evening.

“I loved playing football,” Kíli confessed then, quite unnecessarily. “It was the centre of my world.” 

He chuckled suddenly. “Thorin didn’t like that, by the way. I wasn’t interested in the company back then. I studied management to please him, but all I was really interested in was my career as GA athlete.”

“And then your accident stopped it.” Fíli said, and Kíli could hear the understanding in his voice. He nodded leaning a bit closer as Fíli tightened his arm around him.

“I could probably still do more sports than I do now,” Kíli confessed then. 

“What’s stopping you?”

“It just seemed so pointless. I mean, I was _good_ before. Really good. Maybe not the best, but, fucking hell,” he grinned, “I was popular.”

“So you played because it made you popular?”

“Partly. But I also just enjoyed it. But I used to play Gaelic football and Hurling. Both are a bit violent ….” He grinned when Fíli laughed at that understatement, “ok, they are pretty violent team sports, and once my knee bust it obviously wasn’t a clever option to get back into it. So I guess I didn’t want to compromise by doing something that was just less fun and where I would never reach my old level of fitness again anyway.”

“I see.” Fíli reached up to press a tender kiss against Kíli’s forehead. “Maybe we should find something we can do together, eh? I know you loved being active.”

“We’ll see.” Kíli was far too content with the snuggling going on at the moment to be dragged into a potentially depressing discussion about his limitations.

 

On Sunday, they cuddled as usual once they woke up. It had become Kíli’s favourite Sunday tradition ever since he got together with Fíli. Sure, Sunday Dinner with his family was nice, but waking up next to Fíli and taking the time to fully enjoy that was something so special. This time, though, Fíli insisted that they take a shower after only a short bit of cuddling.

When Kíli came back from the shower, only in his boxer-shorts (he had put a t-shirt on and then taken it off again), he found Fíli sitting on the bed, completely naked. Fíli caught his hand as he came closer and tried to pull him onto the bed. Kíli resisted, laughing.

“Why did you want us to shower if we just go to bed again?”

“Because we were all smelly and I wanted to properly kiss you.”

The tenderness of his gaze was Kíli’s undoing. He gave up all pretence of resistance and let himself fall next to Fíli, as his boyfriend tugged once more.

Fíli moved his hard body to cover Kíli’s soft one, and Kíli gasped as their bare chests met, the sensation of the warm skin on his sending tingles through his body. He could feel the blood rushing down, swelling his cock already.

Then Fíli’s mouth descended onto his, and all thoughts vanished as his arms flung up and locked around his boyfriend.

When Fíli’s hand moved down to tug at his boxer shorts he lifted his hips a bit, and Fíli sat back between his legs to get them off.

Finally he was fully exposed to Fíli. Fíli’s eyes were slowly raking over Kíli’s body, from his strong legs, his hard erection, that pressed against the curve of his belly, taking in every curve and hair on that soft expanse while Fíli’s hand just ghosting over the hair and then to Kíli’s broad, heavy chest. There was no mistaking the hungry look in his eyes. 

Still, Fíli did nothing more than letting his hand hover over his skin, just barely touching his chest hair. It was sweet torture; his body ached for Fíli to touch him properly. 

“Fíli!” he ground out, as his boyfriend suddenly bent down and the bristles of Fíli’s beard scraped his neck, before his lips descended on the tender skin and started sucking gently. The touch sent shivers of delight through his entire body. Fílis let his hand and hot mouth glide down and Kíli couldn’t help but writhe a little.

He registered vaguely that Fíli was still careful not to linger over his stomach, that his hands slid down Kíli’s side without pausing to explore the curves and he just pressed a few fleeting kisses on his abdomen before his mouth descended on his tigh.

Coherent thought fled as Fíli licked swiftly along Kíli’s inner thigh. Kíli bucked and moaned, as he was held down, while Fíli explored the tender area, nipping him gently and then licking the flesh with his tongue.

“Fí~li!”

Fíli’s chuckle vibrated against his skin, then Fíli nosed Kíli’s erection playfully. He held his breath as Fili slowly licked his way up the hard length of Kíli’s erection. 

“Oh fuck, that’s amazing, you’re amazing …. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck,” Kíli’s words dissolved into a moan as Fíli swallowed him.

Fili began to bob up and down his cock, his left hand moving down and gently rolling Kíli’s balls. Kíli bucked his hips urgently as the intensity increased. He could hardly breathe anymore.

When Fíli dragged his teeth gently along the bottom of Kíli’s erection, Kíli came undone. With a loud shout he exploded into the other man’s mouth, moaning as Fíli continued to suck him through his orgasm.

Fíli placed a kiss on Kíli’s hipbone, before he came up looking very smug as he came back up and grinned down at Kíli.

“Good?”

“You know it was.” Kíli blushed a little bit. He had always been very vocal. Fíli nuzzled the side of his face affectionately.

“You're beautiful. And you make the most beautiful sounds.”

“Stop that.” Kíli blushed even more. Then he realised, that maybe he should reciprocate and his face fairly burnt as he looked down Fíli’s body.

“I … I don’t think I can ….”

“That’s okay,” Fíli assured him softly. 

Kíli let his hand trail over Fili’s warm, hard chest and abdomen, enjoying the movement of supple muscles as Fíli’s breath hitched. Fíli’s silky skin covered hard muscle and Kíli traced them idly until Fíli moaned ever so softly. His boyfriend was always so quiet. He slowly let his hand slip lower, over the bristly hair on Fíli’s crotch.

“Kíli!” Fíli demanded. He chuckled and closed his hand tentatively over the other man’s cock. Fili gasped and bucked into Kíli’s hand. He gripped a bit tighter, just as he liked it himself and began to move his hand slowly at first, then picking up speed.

When Fíli grasped his forearm he slowed.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“God no!” Fíli panted, “Keep going. Please.”

When he twisted his hand and brushed a thumb over the head of Fíli’s erection, Fíli came. The silence of Fíli’s orgasm was still a bit uncanny, but when he looked down at his boyfriend’s face, Fíli’s eyes were closed and he had the most gorgeous peaceful little smile on his calm face. Kíli hardly dared to breathe, he didn’t want to break into Fíli’s serene mood. 

 

Then Fíli’s eyes fluttered opened. He grinned mischievously when he saw Kíli staring at him and leaned up for a kiss. Kíli complied, then he looked down at their bodies, frowning slightly.

“Now we need to shower again.”

“I think a quick wash should do it.”

“I am not going to see my mother reeking of sex,” Kíli declared. He got an eye roll in response.

“It’s not that obvious.”

“She doesn’t even know we’re together.”

“Yeah. Maybe we should tell them, eh?”

That killed Kíli’s happy post-orgasmic mood. He coloured.

“Em … today?”

“It seems as good as any day? Thorin is still chuffed about being with Bilbo and in a mellow mood, Bofur and Bifur are in Northern Ireland, so it will be only family there and Bilbo, who you know so long that he’s practically family too.”

“I suppose.” Kíli sighed.

“And then I’ll call my mother tonight to let her know. She keeps asking me if I’ve met someone.” 

“I see.”

“Plus, virtually everybody else knows. Gímli knows. And his father his Dwalin and Balin’s cousin, right?”

“Right. I know. They should hear it from us.” Something occurred to him and he grinned. “Be prepared though. I told you, mam is conservative. She won’t give us any longer than the vote to ask us when we’re going to marry. Possibly earlier. For someone whose marriage went so wrong, she’s really quite insistent on them.”

Fíli laughed and kissed him on his sweaty shoulder. “Like my mother then. And gay marriage’s been legal in New Zealand for a year now. She will ask me to set a date soon.”

 

After they had finished dinner but before they could clear the plates away, Fíli cleared his throat and Kíli looked at him a bit anxiously.

“Kíli and I have to tell you something, actually,” Fíli began and fiddled with his napkin.

“What is it, dear?” Dis smiled brightly.

“Well, we ….” He cleared his throat again. “We’re actually together.”

“What do you mean together?” Dis asked looking between them. Kíli decided to help his boyfriend out.

“We’re in a relationship, Mam.”

She frowned. “How long has this been going on?”

“Em … a while?” Kíli mumbled, forcing himself to keep looking at his mother and uncle rather than the table. “May, actually, we, em, we … didn’t rush and ….. well, Fíli’s just so …. so perfect, what was I supposed to do?”

Unexpectedly, both his mother and his uncle burst out laughing, a rare thing for Thorin. Kíli’s jaw dropped as his uncle wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

“We already knew, you silly goose.” Dis ruffled her son’s hair. Thorin chuckled deeply too.

“We could see you were sweet on each other.”

Kíli pouted. “And you never said?”

“We thought we should wait for you to be honest with us, dear,” his mother said sternly, but grinned again when he started to feel a bit guilty. “And it was hilarious to see my son trying to be secretive.”

“You can’t hide something like that from us,” Thorin added. “We know you too well.”

“Sorry?” Kíli ducked his head slightly. 

“And it was also obvious that Fíli was sweet on you, practically from the first time you two came for dinner,” Dis said teasingly. The two young men looked at each other in shock. That was uncanny; at that point they had hardly known themselves how deeply they were falling. He was also relieved though, that his family took the news so well; he had worried about that. Not so much the fact that Fíli was another man, but he was scared that they would be shocked because it was his cousin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly, I originally planned more drama, but my week was shitty and I needed fluff. Loads of fluff, not drama. 
> 
> I hope the sex scene was okay - I am not good at writing them, but I felt I needed one to show where they are in their physical relationship ^^
> 
> Also, it's 10 chapters now. I inserted one from Fíli's POV (the next one) and an epilogue.


	8. Calling Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fíli calls his mother to tell her the good news. A Fíli POV chapter in which we learn, why he couldn't resist Kíli ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Fíli's POV for a change, I felt he deserved it.

That Sunday Fíli fell into bed as soon as they were back from his aunt’s house. The previous weekend, he had help Ori with his furniture. And insulted his boyfriend so much, that for a moment Sunday night he had feared, their relationship wouldn’t survive it. Followed by days of exhausting, emotional discussions while also spending his entire week on the field, doing first soil samples and then harvesting. And instead of relaxing Sunday morning, of course he had decided that it was a good moment for sex. Which it was. He just really didn’t look forward to another hard week. 

 

Monday evening Fíli sighed as he looked at his phone. Ori. Again. He asked if Fíli could call. Fíli was a bit apprehensive, waiting for his boyfriend to have another crisis because he was contacted by his ex-boyfriend. But Kíli surprised him. He told Fíli to call Ori while he ran to Aldi to get them some more groceries. Between Fíli’s harvesting and Kíli’s brooding, they hadn’t kept their fridge and pantry well stocked.

So he did. Ori sounded almost too relieved to hear him and after only a bit of prodding told him a rambling story about a group of youth in his street, who were shouting abuse at Ori. 

 

When Kíli came home and asked what Ori wanted Fíli bit his lip unconsciously.

“It seems there might actually be bullies in Ori’s street, though they don’t seem to do more than name-calling. Yet.”

“Hmm.” Kíli frowned, then he cocked his head. “Dwalin has to go to Scotland soon. He usually takes the ferry to Liverpool and drives, he could maybe stop in Manchester. I reckon if a tattooed hunky bloke like Dwalin shows himself with Ori at least some of those bullies will be scared off.”

“Good idea. That might actually work.”

The smile that was never far off, appeared again. One of the many reasons he loved Kíli was that he was always so quick to regain his good humour and that his smile was so ready and infectious. It never failed to make him smile too. Now Kíli patted Fíli’s shoulder.

“Who knows, maybe Dwalin will succeed with Ori too. We’re deadly matchmakers.”

“Yeah, for our elderly relatives.” Fíli shook his head and forced his tired body off the couch to go and inspect Kíli’s bags. 

Kíli laughed and claimed he had bought everything his boyfriend had demanded, plus some ready-made stuff they could eat straight away. He told Fíli he would set the table and to relax. When he also promised to take care of the sandwiches for Fíli to take to the field the next day, Fíli let himself plop onto the couch again, feeling more relaxed than in a long time. It was nice sometime to have somebody take care of everything for him.

 

Moving to Ireland had been like hitting the jackpot. Screw Leprechaun gold. Kíli was so much better. To think that he had actually hesitated when he saw the job advert on the PhD student mailing list he was on, was unbelievable now.

The project description suited him perfectly well. But this was halfway across the world and in a country not known for its openness towards homosexuality. He finally applied and been accepted after an interview via skype.

 

The moment he’d seen Kíli at the airport he’d been enchanted. His cousin was so bouncy and radiant, his smile alone was more alluring than any Siren’s call could ever have been. It didn’t hurt that he also had the most gorgeous arse Fíli could ever remember seeing. Even though he had been truly exhausted, his gaze had been immediately arrested when Kíli turned around to lead the way to the parking area.

Fíli had his reservations at first and tried to squash his feelings. This was his first cousin. Son of his father’s sister. And his flatmate. Also, his only friend in Ireland.

 

Then came the weekend they spent in Oakenshield and when he saw Kíli on that bed, the only thing he could think of saying was to tell him to come to the kitchen and then run off in that direction too. And the sight of Kíli on that hill, so truly happy in the moment had just proven that there was no way he could stop his feelings.

When they were on the street campaigning, he spent much of his time watching his cousin. Kíli had such a natural way of dealing with other people. There was always a smile hovering around his lips and he was always ready to laugh. Then he would throw his head slightly backwards, letting out peals of unrestrained laughter, flashing his perfect teeth and his eyes narrowing in innocent glee. Every time Kíli did that, Fíli’s heart skipped a beat.

Really, how was anyone supposed to resist? He hadn’t dared to hope that his invitation to the barbecue would bring an immediate result. The moment Kíli had kissed him was more precious than anything else he could remember.

 

Of course, he still hadn’t told his mother that he had hit the jackpot in Ireland. He had been too exhausted on Sunday evening to call her (especially because it was morning in New Zealand and she was such a morning person).

He finally found some time Wednesday night. Kíli was away overnight; he had a business meeting in London and was staying in a hotel as he didn’t expect to make the last flight back.

He and his mother updated each other on general things, until Fíli cleared his throat, when she talked about the nice young man the neighbour’s daughter had brought home, with a clear hint that she would like her son to bring home a nice young man too.

“Actually, Mum, there is someone.” He fiddled with a cushion on the couch, while he let his mother take that information in.

“Really? How long has this been going on? You never told me you met anyone special, did you just meet, or ….”

“No, I, um, …. He is special and I’ve told you lots about him, just not …. I guess I never told you that I fancied him. It’s Kíli.”

“Your cousin?” She seemed stunned, but recovered quickly. “Wait. You sent me his picture already. Oh, Fíli. He’s rather fat, eh?”

“That’s all you have to say about my news? Seriously? How about, you’re happy for me?”

“I’m just saying. It’s unhealthy, the way you go after fat men. Have you talked to a psychiatrist?”

“Eh? Why the fuck should I?” He grabbed the cushion to ball his fist into so he wouldn’t cut himself with his own fingernails.

“Don’t use that kind of language, young man.”

“Sorry. I still don’t see why the …. why you want me to talk to a psychiatrist. I’m happy.”

“I’m worried about you. You’ve always acted so confident, just like your father, but deep down you’re this scared little child and you pick partners who are unattractive and inferior to you to boost your self-esteem.”

Fíli knew his mother, but he needed a moment to unclench his jaw sufficiently to be able to answer. 

“You haven’t even met Kíli.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Fíli?”

“You judge him based on what you know about his appearance and you’re wrong. He’s funny, and smart, he makes me laugh all the time, he’s enthusiastic about life, and I love him.”

“I just mean well, Fíli and you know it. Feel free to disregard my advice, as you always do. I just care about you, but I guess that doesn’t mean anything to you.”

Her voice had taken on the tone he dreaded – the wounded mother, whose only son had cruelly hurt her feelings and didn’t appreciate her. He gritted his teeth together.

“Of course it does, Mum. It’s just …”

“Yes, it’s just that Mum is always wrong. I know, my dear.” The last word was more an insult than an endearment.

“Well, in this case, you are!” he retorted hotly.

“Of course, dear.”

He ended the call, feeling a tense knot in his stomach. That was one of the many reasons he hadn’t told his mother sooner. Her prejudice against fat people just ran so deep. They were all lazy and lacked discipline in her opinion and she thought nothing commenting on other people’s appearance on the street within earshot of the very same people. The fat cashier at the dairy tensed whenever his mother entered the shop. And when he was with Ori, she had refused to acknowledge that Ori was a borderline genius in his field. He was fat so he couldn’t really be clever. Fíli really loved his mother, but he was not looking forward to the next phone call.

 

He was still morose the next day, but luckily field work gave him an outlet for his angry emotions. If the others realised that he was throwing the full bags into their van with more force than necessary, they didn’t say anything. Kíli was already home when he came back. He found himself grinning as he called out to his boyfriend. Kíli now emerged from the kitchen, just as Fíli had kicked off his shoes. Fíli immediately pulled him into a crushing hug.

Kíli’s dark eyebrows rose mischievously as Fíli released him. “Did you miss me?”

“Obviously?” Fíli stretched again to steal a kiss. Usually Kíli was the enthusiastic one in the evening, but today Fíli felt uncharacteristically needy. His mother’s word had put him on the edge and he needed the reassurance of holding Kíli to prove her words wrong.

Fíli loved the feeling of those strong arms around him and the softness of Kíli’s broader body as he was held tightly. And then a squeak escaped him as he was suddenly lifted, and looked down into Kíli’s laughing eyes. No, Kíli was not a weak man, whom Fíli picked because he was somehow inferior. Kíli was full of live and love and energy.

 

This was what bothered him most about Kíli’s insecurities. He could understand him, rationally. But it was so frustrating when his normally so enthusiastic and passionate boyfriend transformed into a shy little virgin as soon as they got intimate. Part of the reason he was immediately almost violently attracted to his cousin was the promise of passion. Seeing Kíli describing his beloved Gaelic football, gesturing and imitating the moves, or watching him skip around like a kid in a theme park when they did something as mundane as a furniture shopping, looking for the perfect shelf, he couldn’t help but fantasize how all this energy would play out in the bedroom. Only, it didn’t and he could see that it would take a lot of patience to coax Kíli out of his shell. 

 

Two weeks later, they had Sunday dinner with the family again. Dwalin had just returned from Scotland. He had visited Ori both on his way there and back. And while they were still waiting for Dis and Kíli to finish putting the food on the table, Dwalin suddenly turned to Fíli and fixed him with a hard stare.

“You coddled that poor sod too much,” Dwalin told him sternly. 

“Ey?”

Dwalin scowled. “You dumped his arse because he was too dependent, but from what he told me, you never helped him to get over it.”

“How the fuck would I have done that?” He normally avoided swearing in the presence of his aunt, but this was really a bit much. He hadn’t come to have Sunday dinner to be scolded for his behaviour towards his ex-boyfriend.

“Encourage him to move out!”

“I did that! I told him to come and move in with me! He always found new excuses!”

Dwalin huffed. “Yea, moving from a smothering arse of a brother to a boyfriend who coddles him. Bleedin’ deadly plan.”

“What else was I supposed to do?”

“Helping him find a bleeding place on his own! Not telling him what to do!”

“You’re contradicting yourself!”

“I don’t bloody think so.” Dwalin scowled harder, which as a frightening sight. But before Fíli could react, there was a loud clang shocking them out of their staring match. Dís had put the bowl of peas down with so much force the little green balls were rolling all over the table.

“That’s enough, boys. I will have no fights at my dinner table, is that understood?”

Dwalin actually bit his lip as he nodded, not looking up to his cousin. Fíli had to stifle a laugh at the sight, even though he was intimated by his aunt too.

 

Maybe Dwalin had a point, Fíli had to admit to himself. But he cursed the man for having chosen to tell him off in the presence of Kíli, his current boyfriend. Kíli had enough insecurities to weigh him down without having to endure an entire discussion of Fíli’s relationship with his ex.

He turned to hug his boyfriend once they were home. And of course Kíli was even more tense than usual. He sighed and pulled back a little.

“I’m sorry about that stupid discussion with Dwalin.”

Kíli had to laugh a bit at that. “It was hardly your fault that he had a go at you, was it, but ….”

“But?”

“I didn’t like hearing that you wanted Ori to move in with you. It’s silly. I’m making a fool out of myself, amn’t I?” Kíli’s gorgeous dark eyebrows slanted into an dejected frown.

“No, you’re not. I wouldn’t like it if you discussed your relationship with Tauriel at length during dinner.”

He was not as jealous of Tauriel as Kíli was of Ori. But he had to admit that he didn’t really want details on their relationship, especially because it had just been a few weeks since their own relationship had hit its first rock. He pressed a kiss on Kíli’s cheek now.

“Look, at the end of the day, all I can say is that, in hindsight, Dwalin is right, it would have been a bloody disaster. And now I’m here, in Dublin, living with you, and Ori’s in Manchester being courted by Dwalin.”

Kíli had to chuckle. “You know, with Dwalin, ‘courting’ seems to be the right term.”

“Yea. I guess we didn’t really court. Although I did my best to impress you with my culinary skills in Oakenshield. Could that be counted as courting?”

“Possibly? But what really wooed me was when you helped me walk down that bleeding hill.”

“Yes, how could I forget? I’m the perfect gentleman, of course you fell for my charms.”

“I’m sure your Mam is proud of you.”

Fíli was glad that his face was by now buried in Kíli’s hair, so his boyfriend wouldn’t see his expression. His mother wasn’t proud of him catching someone like Kíli, she thought it was a sign that he was damaged. He hadn’t told Kíli that. The information was bound to make his boyfriend retreat into the shell he was slowly climbing out of.

Kíli seemed to take his silence as an invitation to cuddle more and soon Fíli’s mind was occupied with cuddling, which quickly evolved into groping and grinding and groaning.


	9. Onwards and Upwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mainly fluff, as Kili and Fili make progress in their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter - actually, this is only half of the chapter I planned. But I am away for two weeks after the weekend and I didn't want to leave it too long between updates.
> 
> Unfortunately that means most of this chapter is smut, not exactly my strength, sorry! The next chapter (to be posted in around three weeks) will make up for it, I promise (it's my favourite, but I'm only the author ;) )

At the end of August, Fíli’s group had finished all their harvesting. He was the most senior of the group, which made him feel a bit old, but he also felt it was therefore his task to hold a harvest celebration in his flat. Kíli was of course all for it; he loved having people over.

As Kíli sat on the living room floor – he was a courteous host and had left the chairs and the couch to their guests – Fíli sat down behind him. He hoped nobody noticed how Fíli’s hand went to Kíli’s side, only for him to drop them down awkwardly. Kíli didn’t even think much, he grabbed Fíli’s hands and put them round his middle. So what if that might direct the gaze of some of Fíli’s workmates to the fat belly of Fíli’s boyfriend. He heard Fíli sigh very quietly as Kíli leant back a bit, so Fíli could put his chin on Kílis shoulder. Sitting down their height difference wasn’t as big (Fíli’s legs were so adorably short). He realised that nobody was even looking at his middle, they were all too busy talking, swapping story about previous harvests and generally poking fun at the two students, who had been employed to help them, Faramir and Boromir. The brothers took it with good humour. They even all seemed to be quite ok with the fact that Fíli was gay; Boromir had looked away when Fíli had given Kíli a chaste little peck on the cheek earlier, but nobody else had batted an eyelid. Later, in bed, Fíli had thanked Kíli for the wonderful evening.

 

And things continued to look up. Now that he had some more time for actual science again, Fíli planned to hold a presentation at a conference in the South of France at the end of October. The week before that conference, Kíli had to go to Paris on business. The idea that Kíli could come down to Montpellier to join him was soon raised and they both managed to take a week off after that to spend at the beach near Montpellier. They were both looking forward to their first holiday together.

 

First though, they had another visit. Ori had called. Of course. He had been invited to give a lecture at Dublin Trinity College and asked if he could stay for the night. There were flights in the evening, but Fíli understood that Ori didn’t want to rush and also, Ori confessed quietly, he was scared to come home too late because of the bullying teenagers loitering on the street at night. Kíli pointed out that Ori could take a taxi from the airport and ask the driver to wait until he was inside. That solution was probably too practical.

The situation became awkward very quickly. Kíli didn’t want to say anything against the idea, because he didn’t want to start another fight. Fíli didn’t want to ask directly if Ori could stay with them, because he too didn’t want to risk another fight. The matter was only decided when Kíli told Dís accidentally that Ori might come and she was enthusiastic. Apparently Fíli and Kíli were not the only ones who were so encouraged by the development between Thorin and Bilbo to attempt to set up Dwalin too.

 

Ori came for two nights. He arrived the night before his lecture, was picked up by Dwalin at the airport and chauffeured to Dis and Thorin’s, were they were all gathered for dinner (even Balin and Moira were there, apparently the lure of watching Dwalin acting like a love-struck teenager made Balin abandon his rule of never accepting week-day dinner invitations).

Kíli was surprised at how little awkward the situation was this time. Sure, he still didn’t really like Ori. He didn’t like his squeaky voice and the general aura of discomfort around him. But now that Ori did not follow Fíli’s every move with the devotion of kicked puppy, was not reprimanded by an overbearing older brother all the time, had apparently arranged himself with Kíli’s scary eyebrows and Kíli felt more secure in his relationship, he wasn’t annoyed by him anymore.

On the second day, Ori shyly called Fíli from Trinity College and told him that he had invited Dwalin for dinner. Fíli was on the verge of telling Ori to take Dwalin to a restaurant instead. He didn’t for two reasons. One, Dwalin might refuse because he didn’t seem to want to move too quickly and two, more selfishly, he took a perverse pleasure in watching the awkwardness between the two of them. Kíli shared this point of view, when Fíli called him to inform him about their dinner guest. He just said he would pick up some more beer and that they could order some food.

Their hopes were fulfilled. Ori was less shy around Dwalin now, but Dwalin made up for it. Kíli had known Dwalin ever since he could remember, but he had never seen the man flustered before. The moment when Dwalin confessed that the reason he always drove to Scotland rather than save two days by flying, was that he was scared of airplanes, was worth the entire bother of Ori’s visit, Kíli informed Fíli later. The fact that Ori seemed disappointed that Dwalin thus couldn’t easily come for a weekend visit in Manchester made Fíli, who was in a more charitable mood than his boyfriend, hope that Dwalin’s efforts to woo Ori would eventually be rewarded. Even if he might possibly have to overcome his fear of flying first. Something in Dwalin’s determined face when Ori voiced his disappointment told Fíli he would. 

 

And then their holiday approached and both Kíli and Fíli forgot about the love life of other people. The conference in Montpellier was the best Fíli had ever attended. The panels on the first day were interesting and the conference dinner lovely. But the best thing on that day was to come to back to his hotel room, and find Kíli sitting on the bed and beaming brightly at him, as he entered. He couldn’t even be nervous about his own presentation anymore, when he hurried to join Kíli on the bed. It was hard to be worried if one was pulled in a crushing embrace and then mercilessly cuddled by an enthusiastic boyfriend.

His own presentation went well, the conference lunch was interesting, but he skipped the panels in the afternoon to explore Montpellier with Kíli. They laughed at each other’s bad pronunciation of French words (they failed to get a croissant in the bakery, until Kíli had the brilliant idea of just pointing at the desired baked good) and made a plethora of pictures. Kíli completely forgot to be embarrassed about his body as they took pictures of each other. It was Fíli who grumbled a bit at his own shorter stature when they tried to take selfies, and Kíli had to bend down a little to fit in the image.

 

They were excited when they drove to their hotel near the beach. It was October, but here in the South of France it was still fairly warm. Fíli had rented a car and managed to get them to the hotel without incident (he had been slightly worried, not that he confessed that to Kíli, considering that he hadn’t driven in months and the first time he had to drive on the other side of the road).

 

Their hotel room was actually nice. The first thing Fíli did, was jump on the bed and relax. He watched his boyfriend put their stuff away. Kíli stretched as he put his suitcase on top of the cupboard to have it out of the way. His shirt rode up and revealed the soft bulge of his belly, curving gently outwards and a bit fuzzy with silky dark hair. Fíli felt as if he got punched in the stomach by the sudden surge of arousal. He loved that little line where the belly started and the promise of softness in that swelling flesh. 

“I don’t want to wait any longer.” Fíli snatched Kíli as he walked past the bed and pulled him down on top of himself. Kíli laughed, as he tumbled down, bracing himself against Fíli’s shoulders.

“Wait for what?” 

“Bonking you.”

Kíli chuckled and tried to wriggle free. Fíli just gripped him tighter, his fingers digging into Kíli’s love handles.

“Please.” He was already slightly out of breath, bending his head and nibbling on Kíli’s neck. “I want you so much.”

Kíli couldn’t deny his own interest in the idea and gave up all pretence of resistance. Fíli looked back up, smiling happily.

”One moment, then.” He got up and rummaged in his suitcases, giving a small shout when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a bottle of lube and a package of condoms. Kíli laughed when he realised that Fíli had planned this. Actually, he had some lube in his suitcase himself. Fíli held out the condoms and raised his eyebrows in a silent question. Kíli shook his head. They had both been tested and were clean. Fíli nodded, tossing them back into the suitcase and let himself fall next to Kíli again. He put his hand tenderly on Kíli’s arm.

“Can I touch you everywhere?”

Kíli hesitated a moment, before he answered. Then he nodded.

“As long as I get to grab you everywhere too.”

The answer to that was mouthed into Kíli’s neck as Fíli dipped his head down. His hands slipped under Kíli’s T-Shirt and slowly pushed it up. He began to explore Kíli’s soft flesh tenderly, more slowly than ever before, lingering.

Finally, Kíli couldn’t stand it anymore and he pulled at Fíli’s own shirt. They began to undress each other. As usual, Fíli went slowly, while Kíli was in a rush to get his boyfriend naked and ended up practically tying Fíli's arms together with his T-shirt. Once they got over their giggles, they got back to serious cuddling and exploring. Fílis let his hands roam over Kíli's exposed body, savouring the sensation. It was the first time he really let himself linger over every last inch of Kíli's lovely bulk.

 

When Fíli squeezed his love-handles, Kíli had to concentrate very hard to stop himself from flinching. He knew, Fíli liked his body, but he couldn’t help feeling bad.

Unfortunately, Fíli picked up on Kíli’s insecurity. He let his hand slide up to Kíli’s cheek.

“Not ok?”

“Smashing.”

“Don’t lie to me, love.”

Of course his insecurity would destroy the mood. Kíli sighed.

“I told you, it’s okay to touch, I’m grand.”

“Kíli ….” Fíli pressed a tiny kiss on his nose. “You’re allowed to change your mind. I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable, ok?”

“Ok.” He wrapped his arms around Fíli and pulled him closer. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Fíli’s hands cradled Kíli’s face and it was amazing how gentle Fíli’s voice could be. It was like a blanket of love that he wrapped around Kíli. He felt a small tear escape but he wasn’t even embarrassed as they just cuddled for a moment. Kíli spooned himself against Fíli’s smaller body, feeling wonderfully protected nevertheless as Fili held him and placed soft kisses all over his head and ear.

Then Kíli could feel Fíli’s erection nudge his back and a giggle escaped.

“Still eager?”

“Naked cuddling doesn’t exactly turn me off,” Fíli grumbled.

“I know what you mean.”

Fíli felt so wonderful and Kíli twisted his head until he was in a position to pull Fíli’s face close. Their lips locked again and Fílis let his hand glide down Kíli’s sides. He slowly ended their kiss and trailed kisses down Kíli’s back, all the while softly caressing his body.

 

Fíli moaned in appreciation as he dug his thick fingers into Kíli’s buttocks.

“Is it ok if I top this time?”

Kíli hesitated a moment, then he nodded. He chuckled again when Fíli kissed the dent in the small of his back.

“Good. I’ve fantasized about your arse since I arrived and you turned to lead the way to the car.”

“Have you?”

“You have no idea. It haunted me at night.” 

Kíli started to laugh but was cut off when Fíli squeezed his bottom again. It wasn’t so much the sensation, although that was nice too, but when he craned his head to look at his boyfriend, the blissful look on Fíli’s face took his breath away. Fíli was really turned on by his body and in turn there was absolutely nothing in the world that Kíli found more stunning than the happy expression Fíli wore when they were intimate. It was too beautiful to endure and Kíli looked away again, mewling softly to himself. Fíli could do anything to him, as long as he looked at him like that.

 

He tensed slightly when he heard the lube cap opened. Then he felt a circling pressure around his rim and gasped slightly.

Kíli grit his teeth together when Fíli slipped the first finger in. The intrusion was odd, but not unpleasant. When the first finger was joined by a second and then a third and Fíli began to scissor his fingers, it began to feel good and then a jolt of pleasure went through him as Fíli found the right spot. He heard Fíli chuckle when Kíli quivered and moaned.

Then the fingers were suddenly gone and Kíli could feel the blunt head of Fíli’s cock at his entrance. He gasped. Fíli put a soothing hand on his back.

“Should I stop?”

Kíli grit his teeth together, feeling a bit unsure but unwilling to admit it. “Just do it.”

“As you wish.” Fíli pushed in very slowly. Kíli had expected some pain, but there was none, just the wonderful sensation of being filled.

 

Fíli paused once he was fully sheathed, and draped himself over Kíli’s back. His clean hand found Kíli’s cheek and caressed him lightly.

“Are you ok?”

“Grand. Just get on with it.”

“I need a moment otherwise I’ll embarrass myself.” Fíli’s voice was rough. “You feel so wonderful, and your arse just gives so beautifully when I press in”, he demonstrated by pushing in just a bit further and groaned. Then he suddenly pulled back and thrust in again. 

He was moving slowly and it was the sweetest agony Kíli had ever experienced.

When Fíli picked up the pace, he changed his angle and brushed that same spot again. Kíli moaned lowly, as Fíli continued to thrust into him and pushed back desperately.

The sound nearly made Fíli come on the spot. He loved the racket Kíli made. That was the passionate man he had fallen so deeply in love with. 

 

Kíli came with a guttural shout as Fíli twisted his hand over the tip of his erection. The sound ignited something within Fíli, he felt heat spreading through his wound-up body. He thrust back into Kíli as hard as he could in response, moving frantically until his orgasm hit him. He sighed as he collapsed onto Kíli’s back, a feeling of utter peace settling on his mind. 

He only allowed himself a moment of bliss, before he rolled off. Sated, Fíli pulled Kíli closer again and kissed his cheek. “I really love you, you know.”

“Love you too.” Kíli nestled his face in the dip of Fíli’s shoulder. Fili pulled him closer, until he was practically lying on top of Fíli. Kíli lifted his head and looked down at his boyfriend, slightly concerned.

“Amn’t I too heavy for you?”

“It’s okay for a moment.” Fíli patted his bottom lightly. “I just enjoy feeling you like this.”

Kíli pressed a kiss on Fíli’s sweaty brow. “I love you.”

“You said.” Fíli was smiling happily again, and Kíli let himself sink down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit too late for this story, but if anyone knows how one finds a beta reader these days, please let me know. I am getting more and more unhappy with my own mistakes and more frustrated that I don't have any feedback before I post. Back in the old days, I had friends I could ask. But currently, my friends who do read fanfiction are either not good enough in English to do it or don't have time.


	10. France and Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy writing this story so much, that I decided to skip the epilogue and instead write a second part, which I will hopefully start posting next month. Meanwhile, I also uploaded a side-story for Dwalin/Ori.  
> Hope you enjoy this final chapter of the first part! And thank you so much for every kudos and comment! This is my favourite story among the stories I've written myself so far and I'm so happy to see that other people are enjoying it as well.

After they enjoyed their after-glow cuddles, they decided to make better use of their holidays and go to the hotel’s pool. Considering how cold it already was in Ireland, Fíli said that it would be a crime to let the opportunity pass. Kíli hesitated a moment after he pulled his swimming trunks on. Then he shook his head at himself. They had booked holidays in the South of France, and he had packed the stupid thing after all. It would be silly to ruin perfectly good holidays by making a fuss about going to the pool. 

 

And once they were there he realised that he was hardly the only overweight person there. He wondered if all of them had to force themselves to be there or if he was especially insecure about his appearance. If Fíli had picked up on his discomfort he didn’t show it. Of course, Fíli looked stunning in his red trunks. Stocky, but with a flat stomach and gorgeously curled tight chest hair, his whole body glowed in the sun. And while Kíli was still admiring him, the object of his admiration pushed him into the pool.

 

As they were walking back from the pool, they passed a group of already drunk young Englishmen. They had obviously seen them holding hands before, as two of them shouted “poofs” as soon as they caught sight of Kíli and Fíli. They bit their teeth and ignored it. Once they were closer one of then stood up and blocked their way. He wore a dirty “pussy magnet” shirt and held a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“I bet that dwarf likes to be squashed by this porker,” he said, loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

Fíli stopped for a moment, his features clenched. He looked ready to punch the man and Kíli started to worry. He knew Fíli sometimes had a very short temper. The other man seemed to have picked that up to. He sneered.

“Do you want some? Come on then.” He spat. “Come on, you poof.”

For a moment it looked like it might actually escalate, even though some hotel employees were carefully approaching. Fíli however just sidestepped the yob and strode to the entrance. Kíli had to hurry to catch up with him. Luckily, even though they were drunk, the group seemed to be bright enough not to want to risk expulsion from the hotel. They shouted “Run poof boys” after them, but it sounded half-hearted.

Once they were well out of reach, Fíli had still not slowed down and pushed ferociously at the elevator button. When it didn't come immediately, he took the stairs. Kíli hurried after him.

“Fíli?” Kíli asked timidly. He didn’t feel too good about being taunted either, but he didn’t see any reason to get this angry about a group of stupid drunks, and he couldn’t take the taunt about his weight seriously from someone who was nearly his size. Fíli didn’t seem to see it that way. He turned to glare at him.

“What?”

“Try to calm down.”

Fíli bit his lip.

“Sorry.”

He did slow down a little bit, to Kíli’s relief.

 

Once they were back in the room, he turned around to Fíli, not even giving him the chance to put his towel away. 

“You were fine when they were just shouting homophobic slurs. Why the fuck are you always so tense as soon as my weight is mentioned?”

Fíli’s face was shuttered for a moment, then he looked at the floor and sighed.

“It’s silly.” 

Kíli managed to wait patiently, until Fíli spoke again.

“You remember the fight we had when you accused me that I had a fetish? When Ori and Dori were in Dublin?”

“Yes? And I told you I’m sorry already?”

Fíli shrugged again, then he sidestepped Kíli and let himself fall down on the bed. He looked at the ceiling instead of the floor. It didn’t seem to have any more answers.

“You were not the first one to say that.”

When he was silent, Kíli settled down on the bed next to him. “I still don’t get it.”

That made Fíli frown, and he finally faced Kíli. “You don’t get what? That it hurts me when people think I pick my boyfriends based on some creepy fetish?”

“People who know absolutely nothing about you, like those fecking maggots?”

Fíli grimaced. “Fair point. But yea, I guess it just reminds of those who say similar stuff and who do know me.”

Kíli grimaced. He had not wanted to hear that. He didn’t want to be the reason why people gave Fíli a hard time. Fíli seemed to sense his discomfort and reached over to squeeze his hand. They were silent for a moment, then Fíli frowned again.

“I don’t have a fetish. I don’t. That’s a disgusting idea.”

“You’re too harsh on people with fetishes, you know. As long as they don’t actually harm anyone …”

“Maybe. But I don’t have one!” Fíli sat up and Kíli followed suit. “Like …. I don’t like to be squashed.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It’s a fetish,” Fíli explained, with a very strained voice. “It means that some people like it when somebody heavy sits on them until they can’t breathe.”

“Oh.” That explained Fíli’s reaction somewhat. Fíli loved it when he was at least half covered by his boyfriend. But, as far as Kíli could tell, it didn’t arouse him nor was Fíli’s breathing ever inhibited. Still, it seemed like Fíli was having his own insecurities if a comment by strangers got to him that much.

“I guess I understand a bit,” Kíli tried, careful lest he triggered another angry reaction. “But don’t let it get to you. They’re just mouldy wankers and if somebody who knows you says shite like that, they don’t actually know you.”

“Yea.” Fíli kicked the mattress idly. “I suppose. Sorry for letting my bad mood out on you.”

Kíli carefully edged closer to him and put an arm around his boyfriend. “You didn’t this time, not really. You were just tense.”

“Hmm.” 

What was left unsaid was that Fíli’s tense moods were actually quite unpleasant. But Kíli knew Fíli didn’t do it on purpose.

Then Fíli suddenly sat up straighter, nearly throwing off Kíli’s arm.

“I think you should know …. one of the people who give me a hard time for being attracted to chubby men is my mother.”

“Oh.” Kíli couldn’t think of an appropriate reply.

“I told her about us and the first thing she said was that I should go to see a psychiatrist.”

“Ouch?” Kíli felt himself shrinking a little bit. That was not what he had wanted to hear.

“Yea.” Fíli sounded very dejected. “I don’t need a fucking psychiatrist, I need my mum to respect my choices.”

“That’d be grand, yeah.”

Fíli bit his lip and put his own arm around Kíli’s middle.

“Don’t let it bother you, please.” His voice was pleading now. “I love my mum, I really do, but her stupid fatphobia …. Well, I have no excuse for her there, really. She can be a bit of cow. I won’t let that interfere with our relationship, believe me.”

“It’s your mam. Of course it will affect us.” Kíli pointed out. He tried to imagine how he would react if his own mother was objecting to Fíli. He couldn’t. Fíli stood up.

“Let’s just have dinner now, all right? I’m knackered and I really wanted us to enjoy these holidays.”

“Sure.” 

They went to the more expensive of the two hotel restaurants, guessing apparently correctly that the yobs wouldn’t want to spend money on food that could as well be spent on booze.

Of course the mood was bad for the rest of the evening. Fíli snapped at Kíli for not switching on the light quickly enough and Kíli later snapped at Fíli for taking too long in the bathroom. Altogether, it was not the happy mood either had imagined after their first time.

 

The next day it was raining. Of course. They escaped rainy Ireland to be stuck in a hotel in rainy France. They decided to spend the day in bed, cuddling, and ordered lunch to their room. The mood was much improved as they made their way to the random collection of bad movies in the room, guessing the plot of the French ones. 

In the late afternoon Fíli slowly moved from cuddling to groping and claimed Kíli’s mouth in a fierce kiss. Things quickly got heated and this time Kíli topped. It was pure bliss, as he knew it would be. And Kíli was convinced that a lifetime of seeing Fíli’s post-orgasmic expression, so serenely content, was not going to be enough.

They didn’t encounter the group that had taunted them again; apparently they had left on the rainy day they had spent in bed. The rest of the vacation passed peacefully. When they left they felt that their vacation had been far too short. But work awaited them; Fíli had been inundated with emails from a frantic Faramir who was apparently in desperate need for help with his master thesis, which Fíli supervised, and Thorin had a host of meeting scheduled and he insisted that Kíli organized them. Thorin was getting ever more serious to prepare Kíli to take over the company one day and he felt that by organizing meetings on various aspects he would learn more about Erebor and how to lead it. 

 

After a week filled with various sexual activities, they spend the two weeks following their vacation by crashing into bed in the evening and even had to cram in so much work during the weekend, that they didn’t do more than snuggling while watching TV on Saturday evening. Still, Kíli was glad that he had someone to come home to and cuddle at night, considering that all he got at work at the moment was Thorin asking him why he hadn’t made more progress.

 

Fíli’s first phone call to his mother after they were back from France didn’t go well. Kíli could tell that as soon as Fili emerged from his room Saturday evening, where he had secluded himself for the call.

“Bad?”

“Yea.” Fíli grimaced. “She didn’t take well to the idea that I won’t come Christmas.”

Kíli frowned. “You’re not flying to New Zealand for Christmas? I thought you planned to stay there for two weeks?”

“Yea ….” Fíli sighed. “I’ve been toying with the idea of cancelling that trip for a while now. There’s an interesting conference in Queensland in January, I reckon I’d rather go there and then fly over to NZ for a week.”

“And when did you decide that?”

Fíli grinned awkwardly. “Just now, while talking to my mum? She nagged me about Christmas and I just blurted out that I wasn’t coming.”

“Ah.”

“Yea. She didn’t take it kindly.” He looked at Kíli with something akin to anxiousness. “Is it all right with you if I stay for Christmas? I wouldn’t want to …”

“Rubbish. You know you’re welcome.”

“Thank you.” Fíli threw his phone onto the couch and let his forehead rest on Kíli’s chest. “She’s not totally horrible, you know.”

“I know. I never said that.” Kíli put his arms around his boyfriend.

“But from what I’ve told you in recent weeks ….”

“Well, she accepts that you’re gay, that seems good.”

“Yeah.” Fíli sighed. “She hasn’t always been that accepting, but she came round soon enough.”

“So maybe she’ll come round this time too?”

“I bloody hope so. I ….” Fíli lifted his head again and looked into Kíli’s face, almost pleadingly. “She really isn’t bad usually. And she didn’t have it easy with me. When I was a teenager I used to scream at her all the time, telling her that it was her fault my dad died. She had nagged him about forgetting the groceries, that’s why he was out in the street during that drive-by shooting.”

Kíli wisely decided to remain silent he just kept his arms around Fíli’s waist. Finally, Fíli was ready to continue.

“It wasn’t her fault of course. In New Zealand in the 1990’s, who would have thought by going to the dairy you actually put your life in danger? She did send me to therapy then and it helped. That idea, that I am broken, has just stuck in her mind since.”

“She thinks that with a bit of therapy you will break up with me?”

Kíli winced once he blurted that out. That was not the appropriate reaction to Fíli talking about his father’s death.

Fíli groaned as if in pain. “Who cares? I’m sorry I told you about my mum’s nonsense.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry that you were honest.”

“In an ideal world, yes.” Fíli sighed and kissed Kíli’s cheek. “I love you. I love your good humour, I love how excited you get over small things. And you make me feel so special. I don’t want anyone or anything to come between us, even my mother.”

Kíli hid his face in Fíli’s hair, feeling very embarrassed. Then he felt stupid for it, and he pulled back to look at his boyfriend.

“I love you too,” he said seriously, kissing the tip of Fíli’s nose. “You’re gentle and kind, and you make feel so … so ….” He struggled to find a word. Language had never been his strong point. “Cherished I suppose? More than special in any case.” He put his forehead against Fíli’s. “We won’t let anyone or anything come between us, all right?”

“Promise.” Fíli smiled gently and his eyes were so full of love, that Kíli had to look away for a moment. He knew that they would keep their promise. 


	11. Sequel!

This is just to let you know that I started a little sequel to this, it can be found here:   
[Chasing Domestic Bliss](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5925228/chapters/13627479)


End file.
